Munra Point --->I am not scared of heights ... Yes, I am lying.

                            

My "scared time to turn back" face. 

Back in May I decided to go for a trail run with a slight detour up to Munra Point. It was pouring down rain and didn't really know where I was going (just the general area)...but it still seemed like a great idea. I had seen all of the pictures online and wanted to see it in person. Plus, how hard can it be? Right? Well, it's not so much that it was difficult...I mean it was, but difficult I can do. It was the height. Apparently, I am a little sensitive to abrupt cliffs that drop off into the unknown-->meh, not really unknown...I mean...I know the ground is down there somewhere...it's just that I would rather not hit it face first.  I am not a cat. I almost never land on my feet. Well, I crawled my way up the mini waterfall that was the path due to heavy rain. I got to the first "chimney" out of 2...and I had to turn back. Well, I didn't have to but honestly...I got scared. I was alone. I hadn't seen people in a long time and it was pouring down rain. I just kept thinking..."If I fall no one would even know and I would  miss my upcoming ultra." Super rational thinking, I know. I ended up having a minor internal panic attack and turned back down the way I came...scooting on my toosh for the steepest parts. That being said...I am returning this afternoon to make it to the spiny ridges at the top. Here's hoping it all goes to plan! I'll update when I get back from making it to the top. Because, I am gonna. Stupid heights....but gotta get up high to see the prettiest views. 

UPDATE:

There's so much I wanna say about this trip in the gorge....but I think the pictures really tell it all. The first time I attempted this...apparently, I was only about 30 feet from the top. That makes me cringe just thinking how close I was. I don't like heights. I don't hate them tho. I LOVE them for the perspective it can put me with the rest of the world. Helps me see what I wouldn't otherwise be able to see from the ground. And for that I am so grateful. But, there is a switch in my brain that makes me go from super tough (meh semi tough) trail runner to "OMG I am going to die...this is the end" and this switch gets activated when I am high up and surrounded by cliffs. Needless to say, coming back and facing this stupid fear that I am intent on kicking to the curb, was kind of a big deal. This visit was a lot more enjoyable then last time. Last time I was running in the rain...and I was having an emotional day. So, to top off being in a super dark place...I decided that an impromptu visit to scary Munra Point was a good idea. Plus, I love mud. How bad could it be. This time...it was a planned venture with running friends. Having others with me who were encouraging and striving for the same thing...made it much easier to face my ridiculous, over the top...super debilitating fear of heights. It's not the fear that makes me attempt to karate chop a tiny spider and shreak out loud. It's the kind of fear that makes my insides go dark and every confident thought and moment I have ever had disappears while that fear is there. Dementors! Yes...heights for me are like dementors. Ok, I have said enough...my nerd is showing. Basically, it was a fantastic trek up to the top of Munra Point and I cant wait find another way to face this pesky fear...because my love of mountains and views isn't ever going away. Super grateful that Ryan and Millie were there to share in the adventure.

Disclaimer: There may not be any dirt left there...I think I took it all with me.

That little speck was having one hell of a battle in her mind at that time

Why I Love My Home Trail

Lacamas Lake Heritage Trail and Round Lake
Camas, Washington


Only 8 Miles from home and a 15 minute drive it’s a perfect substitute mid week for a trail run when I can’t make it out to the gorge. My spot is almost always open. I park my car under the huge maple trees and stow away the valuables. Before I even get out of the car I can smell the Camas paper mill. Luckily that smell disappears once you hit the trail and it’s replaced with the smell of warm blackberries. Depending on how hot the day is…I’ll bring my pack. I don’t always need it since the 7 mile out and back trail has water at both ends.  This trail has its regulars. There’s a woman who is always there. She walks back and forth for hours ---always on a mission and never makes eye contact. But, still I smile and try to catch her eye. I always wonder what’s on her mind…if she is hurting or just focused. The older very fit gentleman with the black lab waves every time. On cool days I see him get his run in and then go back for the pup and then they run together.  Some residence from the mansions bordering part of the trail 2 miles in- carrying cups of coffee in hand for a morning stroll with a golden retriever. A woman …maybe late 40’s who every time I see her, she is faster and thinner. She always smiles and waves.  And my favorite regular is a man in his late 80’s who walks the trail…he smiles big and tips his hat to me every time. I don’t know that I have ever seen a happier man. There are the people who smile in response to a smile and then the people who ARE the smile. That’s him.  You’ve got the nodders, eyebrow lifters, wavers, smilers, grunters, and the ones who don’t seem to see anything but the trail. Depending on my effort level at the time…I am the half smile gal who does a 3 finger lift as a wave.

I’ve run this trail so many times…I know each hill, turn and dip. I know what miles have the tree roots breaking through the ground and which parts have water running off the side. I know that if I go 2 miles in I should be able to get a good view of Mt. Hood and at 3 miles you can find blue herons chilling among the lily pads. After all of the hours I have put in on this fairly “easy” trail…it still amazes me that sometimes I crush it and other times it throws humble pie in my face.  This trail offers 2 sections.  Both are relatively mild on the difficulty scale. There is the Lacamas Heritage out and back trail and then the Lacamas Round Lake Trail that has several intersecting trails with a good size climb and some beautiful waterfalls.  Coming here feels like home. The ground is squishy and the rocks are mossy. The trees shade me from the heat and the lake glitters. I can spend a whole day chasing mountains but still feel like I am not completely home. When I step onto the trails at Lacamas I feel it. It’s comfortable. No awkwardness.  Like coming home for Christmas or sitting in your favorite spot at your favorite coffee shop. Your family may drive you nuts and the coffee may not always taste great…but it’s familiar. The person I was the first time I stepped on the trail at Lacamas Lake is a very different person than I am now. I am strong now….I now know how to push myself and though Lacamas Lake is no longer enough to fill my adventure cup…I still love to revisit that feeling of relief…the feeling of coming home. This is where my journey of trail running began. It opened a door to something I didn’t know existed. It didn’t prepare me for what is out there in the mountains but it did light a much needed fire in a cold room.  I showed up on this Lakes doorstep almost 4 years ago broken, tired and feeling alone. It took me in and as it slowly created a foundation to bigger things…I became a stronger person. Snow, rain, sun and fire season….I’ve been here for all of it. I’ve been 3 miles in and caught in a down pour with only thunder and lightning to keep me company.  I’ve watched the sunrise against a lake clouded in forest fire smoke. I’ve been there before the sun…and woken up a family of deer resting to the left of the trail…not to mention knocking down every spider web along the way. I have drenched my calves and shins in mud and taken a plunge in the lake to avoid an over enthusiastic bicyclist. I have ran the down and back over and over again to reach a mileage goal.  I’ve welcomed runners into this place of relief and seen that for some it means just as much to them as it does to me….and others who don’t see its beauty. Growing up I was a foster kid. It was difficult to feel “at home” anywhere. Rejection filled every corner of every possible ally. But the day I stepped foot on this trail I only felt welcomed. It wasn’t a track with 5 minute mile racers. It wasn’t the road where people stared and gawked. It wasn’t a mountain that I wasn’t equipped to climb. It was a soft path with small challenges complete with runners, walkers and strollers of all levels.  I’ve experienced all season of this amazing underrated trail. My favorite will always be fall. The air gets crisp and the trail gets covered in beautiful maple leaves. The air is sweet from the last breath of the blackberry season and fog draped across the lake. This is my home trail…I love it because this is where it all began.

Comfort Zones-TerritoryRunCo Sunrise Run

Territory Run Co- Sunrise Run

Wildwood Sunrise Chase
7/20/2016
5:10AM
Once a month Sunrise run in Forest Park with the Runners of the Wild Crew

It’s 3:45 am and my alarm goes off. It’s time to get up and face the day. Thoughts fly around in my head like…”maybe resting is better” and “you‘ll be too slow to run with them” and “you don’t even know anyone there” or “It would be better if I just ran road today.”

That early in the morning it can be very easy to talk yourself out of your original plan…which is why I had a backup plan. I had asked a friend to meet me there at the trail head as well. If I bailed now…that would make me a bad friend.

I am what you would call a shy extrovert. I love to be with people and do things in groups. But, when I first meet someone I am awkward,dorky and loud. I usually repeat the same thing over and over again because I can’t get my nerves to stop freaking out. I’ll say “Nice to meet you” trip on my own feet and bite my tongue all while trying to shake their hand. Yes, that has actually happened. Suddenly, my face is huge, my tongue is too big for my mouth and I lose the ability to form complete grown up sentence. Now, this eventually goes away after spending time with a person....and I would like to think that my awkwardness becomes endearing. But, going to this sunrise run meant that I would be running with people I had never met before….lots of them….not just 1 or 2…we are talking like 30 people I would have the chance to awkwardly trip over, spit on, or run into. So, Barb was my partner in crime to keep me from getting weirder than necessary…not to mention I love running with her. I swear I wasn’t using her.

                So Barb was coming…I needed to get my butt there. So, I hopped in my car and drove from Vancouver to downtown Portland…up Upshur to Forest Park.  Now, if you haven’t been here before it can be tricky to find…especially with the moon still shinning aggressively. Barb got lost and wasn’t there yet. I ended up standing off to the side trying not to make eye contact with anyone just in case my mouth let weird sentences fly out. I decided to stop being so caught up in my awkwardness and the fact that I was the least runner looking girl there…. And more on the fact that I was having the opportunity to start my day out with a fantastic trail run with other people who loved the trails just as much as me. I had to remind myself that I deserved to be there too---à sometimes those voices in the back of your head can be so dang loud. I mean all this is …is a FUN run. That’s all.

               After a quick announcement from Bret about not having coffee this morning for everyone we headed towards the trail. At 5:10 AM we were off… I’ve never ran a trail in the dark before…and I don’t know why but I found it kiiiiinda amazing. I loved every second of it. As we were heading up… I got a message from Barb said she was there and that she would start running. I gave her directions while running in the dark…via text… not the easiest thing to do. I thought I was in shape until I started running with everyone. I was breathing loud and tripping over my huge feet. It was beautiful tho…watching the sky get brighter and brighter as we headed up the 2.5 mile climb to Pittock Mansion. Finally, we made it up to the top and headed behind Pittock Mansion where the view of Mt. Hood and the city lay. The sun was just lighting up the sky. I looked around and everyone chatted like they’ve known each other for years. Maybe they have. At that moment…I didn’t even care that I couldn’t bring myself to start conversation with anyone. I was just taking in the view.




About 15 minutes later Barb shot around the corner and joined me. It was a fun descent down the hill with  my little running partner. As we finished up our run we noticed the announcement about the coffee was thankfully a false alarm. There was coffee (sooo good), Munk Packs (delish!) and a free Territory Trail Bandana sitch for everyone who was there. I remember sitting at my desk that day at 7am… and feeling amazing. Spending some quality time on the trail before work really changed my entire mindset of the day. I felt fulfilled. It wasn’t just the time on the trails. It was the going way out of my comfort zone that really made me feel like I had accomplished something. Such a small thing. Just a little sunrise run with people you see on face book…such a dorky accomplishment. I even managed ( I think ) to get out of there without making a dumb “Ashley Joke” …well there’s always next month’s sunrise run . For me, that is what trail running is. It takes me out of my comfort zone….and I feel like that’s the only place that I can truly develop into a stronger and better individual is by spending a good amount of time in that uncomfortable zone.  So, even though I was the least “runner looking “ girl there and close to the slowest runner…. I won’t always be. 

That’s the amazing thing about comfort zones. They are forever changing.