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| Mt. Hood- Timberline Paradise Loop |
1. Get up when your alarm goes off at 4AM -Half the battle…Nailed it.
2. Ok, wait…did you pack your bag the night before? Because, then you for real nailed it.
3. Carpool…because of the earth and no one likes driving an hour and a half alone. I mean maybe some people do but I think it’s boring.
4. Go back to before carpooling and make sure you grab coffee…otherwise no one will wanna carpool with you if you are little miss crabby pants.
5. Fall down within the first 2.5 miles….that way you are covered in dirt early. It’s sure to make you look like a bad ass.
6. Don’t get too jazzed about the downhill. If you are going downhill-chances are you are going to have to go back up.
7. Never underestimate a hill from far away. It will hurt. It will suck. And no matter how much you beg, no one will carry you. Nope, not even a little piggy back ride. So it's better to just pretend it doesn't hurt. Or...I find that repeatedly dropping F bombs seem to reallllly help you up those killer hills. If tears start to creep....pretend you are overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. But do it in a bad ass way. Like maybe rub some dirt on your face or something.
8. Water from your pack will always taste better out in the woods then it will in your kitchen. So, pay no mind to that plastic like taste. It will taste like nectar of the gods after 2600 ft elevation gain over the course of 12 miles.
9. Leave your super stylish cutesy ankle socks at home. Unless, you really love the feeling of hundreds of tiny pebbles in your socks. If you aren’t super stoked at that thought….put on the even more stylish mid shin socks. BAM.
10. If you think you see bear prints sitting next to piles of berry poo…don’t shake it off and say it’s probably a huge dog. It is probably a bear.
11. If you happen to see someone squatting in the woods…dont assume they're resting or picking wild flowers...don’t smile or make eye contact. Just keep on walking. It’s rude to stare.
12. Get out of the way for the thru hikers. Honestly, your 12 miles with a little pack is probably nothing compared to their trek with their 50 lb pack. Don't be a douche.
13. When you pass the big trail guide groups of spunky older peeps that smell like sun block and coffee…resist urge to pat them on the head. Just move to the side and let them pass. Show some respect. Sheesh!
14. Leave no trace. And I mean it. If you drop so much as a safety pin…where ever you are, I will find you. And I will make you carry it. Unless, you are faster than me. Then, I will just carry it for you…but I WONT be happy about it.
15. If one finds themselves depleted of energy stores near the end of said trail run and you are having to walk the last bit…make sure you start running .25 from the car…no one needs to know of said struggle.
16. Replenish energy stores with beer and wings with a side of pizza.
17. Fill all of your friends Facebook feeds with an obnoxious amount of photos you took on your adventure. It will drive them nuts.
18. Continue to post a picture from your trip once a day for the next few days. Don’t worry. Not EVERYONE will hide you from their feed.
19. Do it all over again at the very next opportunity.
20. All of this is much more fun with friends. So, get some friends who are just as nuts as you.
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