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| NOT how I looked after the run |
Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
MY Pride: Took quite a horrendous beating, but still seems to be still standing, however shakily. It's sunburned, dehydrated, slow and maaaay have a pulled muscle or 2.
Dear Insane reader who may make it to the end of this novel,
When I set out to do my first ultra marathon-I had allowed myself to have 2 "reasonable" expectations.
Expectation #1: To finish
Expectation #2: To not finish last
Turns out I was lucky enough just to finish. I wasn’t in any spot to be picky about placement though. Not counting of course the people who had to drop out mid run or didn’t start, I was within the finishing last 3 runners. Somebody’s got to be last-nobody wants to be but there’s always got to be someone to sweep up. You are welcome Smith Rock Ascent Runners….I took one for the team. It's something that I am not really ok with, but I think eventually I will be.
This is why-
I had every understandable reason to quit but didn’t. Volunteers were concerned and preferred me to quit and I didn’t. I even had a few reason to not even start the run in the first place. After a very exciting night of an enthusiastically nervous stomach and almost no sleep, I didn’t exactly set the stage for a successful race. Pfft, oh how the excuses are piling up. But, when you train so wholeheartedly for 6 months and it doesn’t go as planned-even though you put in the work, time and sacrifice….it can be heart wrenching…so it’s best to focus on the facts. Fact is, I pulled a muscle in my abdomen while dodging out of the way of a few 15 milers … “on your left, on your left on your left.” In order to stop myself from ending up on my toosh, I dodge to the right of the embankment and caught myself from falling-Don't worry I didn't damage the embankment too bad and also didn't take anyone with me-soooo win/win? ---- I felt the sharp tug across my ribs…and I continued to feel it all the way to the end. I sobbed. I laughed. I dropped a whole heck of a lot of F bombs. But, I finished… so I hit 50% of my expectation. Also, I didn't fuel adequately for running an ultra.
Journey to the finish line-
I started out nice and strong. It was beautiful weather and an even more beautiful course. I found a nice pace and felt really really great. Just a little on the warm side. As we all climbed up miles and miles of incline up to the first aid station, I felt an odd since of confidence. How about from now on we DON’T trust the first 5.5 miles.
Then the <incident> happened. Every breath hurt and the pain made me nauseous. Somehow, some interesting logic set in. If I were to eat and drink as little as possible in the 80 degree heat, then, I could avoid throwing up and avoid the potential damage that would do to the already injured abdominal and therefore, I could run longer. #logic #whoneedswater Not only does that not make any sense now that I am off of the hot mountain….but it’s insane! Normal Running Ashley would never do that! But, this wasn’t normal running Ashley. This was crazy injured heat stroke Ashley who wasn’t going to quit no matter what.
Total Nutrition for 31.5 miles-
<cringe>
2 scoops of Hammer perpetuem (approx 440cal)-this saved me
3 cups of coke ( approx 210 cal)
2 cups of ginger ale (approx 186 cal)
1 bite of 1/4 of a pb & j (ehh?)
1 tiny bite of banana (doesn't even count)
MAYBE 1.5 liters of water-the rest I used to cool off with
Total: 840 cal if I am lucky
Ladies and gents...this is NOT how you fuel for an event that you burn more than 3600 calories during. And I know this...I preach this...and yet.....<smh>
Moving on...
I was alone for a very long time. My heart rate kept shooting up to 190 bpm and I was beyond thirsty. The funny thing about all of this…is that my body felt so strong. It was my injured core that was failing me. I got passed by horses and motorcycles. I waved and smiled-because no matter how much pain I was in-I was so grateful to be there. I am nuts.
About mile 17 I found Sam. I remember thinking, “What the hell is he smiling about.” But, I have a feeling it was for the same reason I was smiling. He was just grateful to be there. Sam would end up being the person who got me from my delirious state of mind at mile 29 to the end. We made our way to the 3rd aid station at about mile 19. The volunteers took a long look at me. I consumed a cup of ginger ale and coke and they dumped water in my pack and on my head. As the water hit my head I literally sobbed from the relief. They took a 3rd look at me to make sure I was good to go and sent us on our way.
Pictures do not do this place justice. I cannot tell you how beautiful this place is. I would struggle thru that all over again just to take in more of the view. Really truly one of the most beautiful runs I have ever been on. Oh! And holy cows! So many cows….baby cows too. So random…but makes for a nice memory lol.- Glad there wasn’t any daddy cows tho.
Sam stayed with me until it looked like if we stayed at my pace we may miss the 3pm cut off for the last aid station. I struggled alone. I found the one tree with shade on the whole course and sat down. It was over. I wasn’t going to make it to the last aid station in time. I messaged my husband and told him the news. And he told me to keep going and that the last 5 miles are downhill...(lies). So I stood up and got light headed and sat back down. It was just so nice in that spot. I could feel my heart beating thru my sternum and my ribs throbbed. Yes, sitting was nice. But everything still hurt. So it was gonna hurt no matter what. Just then a smiley girl comes around the corner and tells me to get up, that I can still make it.
3:09pm- I make it to the last aid station. The medics are waiting there. They look me over and I see it on their faces. They think I am done for-that a marathon was all I was going to be running today. And a very slow one at that. I grab my cup of coke and they refill my water pack. I feel a couple of hands press into my arms to check my skin for sweat. Little did they know, I totally stopped sweating 5 miles ago. I basically beg to keep going. One of the volunteers look me in the face and says “can you promise me that you are good to go…that you are going to be fine?” ….. "uh yeah yeah I am totally totally fine-".The volunteer then says, “ Ok, you can go if you can leave in 1 minute-but no one else-that’s it.” Then my eyes fill with tears because even though it would be so nice to stop now,I am so relieved I still have a chance to finish. Then, a medic grabs my phone and literally types in MEDIC and a phone number in case I need help on the trail. “Call me immediately if you need help, I am not joking. Immediately.” I take one last swig of coke and then ask the volunteer who made me swear an oath that I was fine, to dump cold water on my head. And then I was off....as quick as a snail on mountain dew giving the volunteers 2 thumbs up as they’re yelling out to me to be careful and call them if needed help….gave one last “don’t worry I wont drop dead on the trail, I promise.” And BAM I was off to finish what I started.
5 miles from the finish- mantra central….
I am alone, I am all alone. It is hot. It's so so so so hot. I can't feel my feet. I cant feel my feet. Can you feel your feet? Wait, who am I talking to... Oh crap all I can feel is my feet. I am going to die here. I'm dying yep. Nope, I promised them I wouldn’t die. If I die they get in trouble for letting me go. Must not die. Must not die. 5 more miles 5 more miles 5 more miles. That’s a big cliff. That’s a big cliff. Oooh butterflies…nope wild flowers. I love wild flowers. What makes a flower wild? Butterflies would melt out here. Oop...the flower is flying now, why is it doing that? Nope that’s a butterfly. Pain is temporary, pain is temporary… My face feels crunchy… why is my face crunchy. Why do I hear my footsteps twice? That’s weird. Person. Person. Ah crap another “on your lefter.” A very energetic and happy man was running quickly by-asked me if I needed water or a hat or juice…at least I think he offered me a hat. I wish I would’ve taken the hat. Actually, I should’ve taken water…I just remember being so embarrassed at how bad I was doing…(Why doesn't he look tired?)I just wanted him to be on his way so he could get out of the heat. What if he gets the last finisher glass-gah come back! And then I was alone again. I unplugged my headphones and propped my phone up in my pack after pushing play- so that I could just hear the music without head phones. I will tell you …this was a lot harder than it sounds. I wanted to take a video at this time but couldn’t figure out how to work my phone to do so. Why cant Apple create a phone that just does what I want it to when I am dying of heat exhaustion and dehydration> rude. Or maybe I just eat more next time.
I couldn’t tell you what mile it was…maybe just before 28…I found Sam again. Overheated and ready for his after race beer as much as me. So, we continued on. That’s when I realized I was almost out of water. Don’t worry; even tho I wasn’t drinking the water in my pack….I had been pouring it on my head, arms, and legs- . It’s like everything I had learned during training just flew out the window. SMH. Everyone had been saying the last 5 miles is down hill…guess what? That’s not true lol. I mean there was a lot of down hill buuuuuut kiiinda felt like I was going up hill a lot still. Finally, we came to a large down hill… the down was excruciating on my rib cage…I kept repeating all the way down… “Pain is temporary, pain is temporary, finisher glass, finisher glass, stupid ass mountain, stupid ass mountain, pain is temporary.” As we came down the mountain I heard Sam say something about less than a 5k…so I started repeating that over and over again. We ran into a couple of medics…one of which stayed with us till the end, I think…It’s a little foggy. 2 miles to go…I remember repeating that over and over again. I was out of water.
Climbers waved at us and told us we were awesome…but I didn’t know what what they were talking about. Somehow I got an ice pack and put that on my rib cage. Each breath felt like my rib cage may drop at anytime. Less than a mile. The medic was with us when we came to a water fountain and sprinkler. They filled one of my water bottles and I drank it…it hurt going down my sore throat. Less than a mile, less than a mile. The medic pointed us to a hill on the left…I remember saying no. He said “this way is faster.” I said “no, the orange tape goes to the right and finisher glass.”
I don’t remember the hill, I don’t remember my legs moving anymore. I remember Sam saying something about run…and I did. I remember the yelling and something about a beast or something…and then be taken into the medic tent. I remember thinking, I have to finish my run for my finisher glass…I don’t have time to stop. Then a woman told me I was all done. Next thing I remember, I had a tiny little blue Gatorade in my left had and ice packs in my arm pits. I heard them take my heart rate. But really all I could think about was how I couldn't feel my body and oh my god I had finished. Basically last, but I had finished. Just means I have a pretty good chance of coming out next year and smashing my time from this year. Later, I was told that I kept saying " I don't have time to go with you, I need to go finish my run" over and over again as they brought me in to the medic tent. Think I mastered that "mind over matter " situation yet?
I am so glad that I did this...it wasn't pretty, it wasn't anything incredible....buuut there is something so satisfying about severely wanting to quit more than anything in the world but also wanting to finish more than anything in the world -at the same time...and still finishing..NOT giving up... that is where the mind over matter comes in...being a runner is about so much more to me than "being fit" ..it's about pushing my body way way way beyond what is comfortable...what is "normal"... And then looking back on that journey and going.. "OK, I did that. That was me. No cut corners, no shortcuts...just me and the battle of mind over matter-and I cant wait to see what I can do next time." Sure, it would've been nice to NOT finish close to last. Sure, it would've been awesome to not feel like I was dying for 26 miles of it. Yeah, it would've been fantastic to remember all of my training out there and to take in the scenery more...but this was my 1st ultra...sooooo, I am gonna go ahead and cut myself some slack and just be happy with finishing. Good job, me.
Sincerely,
Totally worth it and I cant believe you read this whole thing-and everyone calls me nuts
PS: drink water during an ultra.k thanks.
Shout out to my partner out on the course Sam Del Biaggio- Thanks so much for getting me through some dark dark moments out there.
The medics for being so awesome! And for not putting me down for my lack of fueling and hydrating out there.
And the volunteers-seriously, you guys rock! Best volunteers I've ever had at a race. I've never felt so "taken care of" during a run. You guys deserve a medal! Jus sayin.
My Husband James Kelly- For being so supportive of the long hours that it takes to train for something like this-and for being supportive of my insanity.
Think Sport -
For your magic sun block that limited my sunburn sitch.... Can't believe I didn't get super fried !
Brooks cascadia- lovely lovely shoes that kept my feet pretty safe from massive damage ... Love these shoes !!!
Doc Spartan- brought my little combat ointment and clipped it to my pack .... Let me tell you- what a god send this was at mile 27 and my pack was rubbing against my next over and over again.
Reader- For reading this whole thing-you are an angel
Here is my bumpy, skippy, video-forgive it please...because I left my creativity at home when I was running this...I forgot very simple things like : Pointing camera towards beautiful scenery instead of the ground lol...next time guys...next time. I'm a work in progress for sure lol... It's only a little one 4 minutes long....I ran for like 8 hours sooooo come on don't give up now.
Had to fix the video ----it will be back up later....gah...
This trail run was no different. We started at
Horsetail Falls Trail head and booked
it to Multnomah Falls Trail head...up the 11 switchbacks and towards larch
mountain. Then swung left up to the Franklin Ridge Trail...and let me tell
you....the name does give you a hint to what's in store but you need to see it
to really grasp the beauty. UP up UP up and up....at 2900' elevation the trees
were massive and towering...the ground soft and forgiving and the view...god
that view. Between the view and the technical trail this will forever be one of
my favorite trail runs. The technical aspect of the trail brought me to my
knees and set my lungs on fire. When you come up to the top of the ascent and
you see this trees towering above you while your insides burn....the beauty is
intensified-because I did that...I ran to the top. I leaped over downed trees
and massive roots. I jumped over creeks and climbed up huge hills...huge hills
and more huge hills. Slid down landslides and flew thru overgrown trails of
questionable 3 leafed plants. I did that. No cut corners and no
shortcuts. Just me, the trail and this fierce wild heart. If you could
experience every ounce of everything you are capable of feeling all thru the
steps of the trail...wouldn't you want experience a glimpse of that? I do. And
that's why I keep going back. 
