Mt. Hood 50 Recap: Redemption & Coke

"Sometimes when you are in a dark place you think you've been buried, but actually you've been planted." Christine Caine

Who knew that running a 50k could feel so good? I didn't? If I were to base what a 50k is going to feel like off of my first one back in May... I would relate it to turning on a big oven to 4000 degrees, crawling inside and doing burpees for 9 hours in sand with cheese graters for shoes. And then being too sickly to have beer after. I literally wasted my favorite beer. Couldn't do it. About a month before Smith Rock Ascent I put my name on the waiting list for Mt. Hood 50. I was doing really well in training and was feeling really ambitious... That's because I hadn't done a 50k yet.

It's amazing how spending hours on the internet watching videos on ultra marathons can skew your view on mileage. I started thinking ..."ohhh 31 miles isn't that much...some people run 100 miles.." But, let me tell you....  it is no small feat. Maybe for someone who trains for 100K's and 100 milers...but not to me.
I wont reiterate how terrible Smith Rock was for me...I did finish...but I was destroyed mentally, emotionally and physically. If you really wanna re live that journey feel free to read the super exhilarating blog post on that nightmare.

For now, lets just rewind back to Tuesday of last week. I had been checking the wait list over and over again to see if I had moved. I went from 80th to 52nd and then all of a sudden I was 7th over a week or so. Tuesday night when I went to bed I was the next in line on the list. Wednesday morning I woke up and I was officially in. The Mt. Hood 50k was the one I really wanted to run. Next to Gorge 50k...this was a bucket list run for me. You have to start somewhere...and I wanted to start close to home. I train in the gorge where the ground is squishy and rocks are all mossy. This is where I wanted a sense of redemption. And I was in. Oh god. Oh god. I am in. I'm going to have to run another 50k... oh no no no. -------->Minor panic attack aside, I was ready. I had continued to train as if I was getting in until the weekend before. It didn't look like I was getting in and I really wanted a tough adventure. So my friend Ryan and I did a route that started at Herman Creek to PCT and a small trek up Chinidere Mountain. After 23 miles and almost 6000 ft elevation gain... my legs were toast. My quads were absolutely pissed. Not to mention I was suffering some kind of ear ache flu at the same time. It was all bad....but amazing. I will never forget that run------> and my legs weren't going to let me forget it either. Luckily, after a very very quick taper my legs felt normal by Saturday (Mt. Hood 50k Eve). Everything seemed to be working correctly and I felt great. Nervous. But, great.

My biggest fear was starting Mt. Hood 50K and being miserable the whole time..missing the beautiful parts of long distance trail running. I told myself before I started that this was my main goal... to enjoy. So, I woke up race day and had a piece of toast with butter and a Raspberry Munk Pack. Wasn't gonna not fuel this time.

RACE TIME!

I started out slow... much much slower than what I wanted to. The first 6 miles flew by. It was absolutely beautiful. The first aid station I forced myself to eat 1/4 of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and a cup of coke and ginger ale and then I was off.  I do this thing to focus... I find a runner that is going my ideal pace and I snuggle up behind them (don't worry I have SOME boundaries....I keep a little distance)..my first "runner" was a guy with what looked like a puzzle piece man tattoo on his right calve. I followed behind him for a good 3 miles. Runner #2 was a woman who had a St. Johns Bridge tattoo on her left calve. Runner #3 was a really tall man who had ran the 50 miler the day before. I remember sending up a little prayer that he would do well because his early zombie shuffle made me nervous for him. After the 2nd aid station I started to struggle up a good size hill...and found my 4th runner. Her name is Bobi Jo and she was great. She asked me lots of questions and it kinda took my mind of the brutal climb. One of my favorite parts of running is the community. I love feeling like someones always got my back out there....complete strangers that are like family. Something that gave me a huge pep in my step was 3 different people yelling out "SMASH" on the course. ----> I guess more people follow my Instagram than I thought:)

As I came rolling into the aid station at the turn around I felt a little beat but still ready to rock n roll. I had continued to eat a 1/4 of a PB&J at every aid station and a cup or 2 of coke. I had also been sipping on my Hammer Perpetuem just to make sure I was keeping up on my nutrition. As I rolled back into the aid station at FSR 58 (where my husband was helping at a little over 17 miles-which was a WELCOMED surprise) I was no longer accepting solid foods. So, I switched over to just water, coke, and perpetuem. I had also been popping these wintergreen caffeine mints (Viter Energy Mints) that I got in last months stride box.

Coming down the hill after the aid station at FSR 58 I was flying (and when I say "flying" I mean faster than when I run on flat ground). I passed 6 guys struggling down the hill. Turns out that all of the training of down hill extravaganzas in the gorge really really helped out in the up and downhill department. Truth be told...my biggest struggle that day was the semi flat last 3-4 miles. It wasn't till about a mile after the Little Crater Lake AS that things got a little dark for me...Right before the AS at the Dam...my legs and internal organs felt like they were being thrown into a blender with rocks every step I took.I started think about what I could've done wrong. I had fueled, hydrated, paced myself...and what...it's still going to hurt? YES. Yes, it's still going to hurt. So, now I knew it was going to hurt whether I walked, jogged, ran or shuffled. So I ran. There was a moment where tears were streaming out of both eyes...I had to stop to fix my belt and pull myself together. Apparently, there was a ninja photographer hiding in the forest..because I stopped right in front of him just in time for a deer in the head lights standing in one spot picture. Yay!....great photo debut...but he kinda laughed as I said "wait wait wait I am not ready, I'm not ready!"..............HOLD UP...I'll address this...YES, I felt like I could be dying...but still wanted to make sure I got my running picture. When I ran Smith Rock...there was 1 picture of me... it barely seemed like I was at the event...it took me so long to run that event that the photographer left. So, I was very grateful that there was a photographer out there, hiding in the bushes like a picture snapping ninja, capturing my big crying, fixing my spibelt, deer in the head lights scene. I am pretty sure he got an actual running picture.... bless him. PS: Spibelt is broke...apparently the picture ninja startled me so much that I ripped it ...pfft who needs to use the zipper when you are so strong you can just rip it open...#winning.

The last 3 miles were a very close replay of Smith Rock...I repeated the words "Find a way" over and over again...mixed in with several hundred F bombs. My shoes were full of rocks and pine needles and every step felt like my feet were about to fall off. I prayed for them to fall off. I made weird facial expressions as I willed myself up what were tiny hills but felt like ginormous mountains.... turns out my face was really the only part of my body I was able to control at that time...so wiggling my eye browns and squinting my eyes was a fancy luxury. I started dreamed of a giant bottle of Coca Cola...this is coming from a person who has only had coke twice in the past 8 years. Once for my first ultra and then during my second. Apparently, ultra marathoner Ashley LOVES Coke. But, it's bad for you k...dont drink it #doasisaynotasido. My goal was to do WAY better than the last. My silent goal I made to myself was under 6.5 hours. I came up over that tiny hill and opening of the trees to the finish at 6:25:01. I actually remember crossing the finish. I reached for my face and almost started to cry but then my head start pounding. And I just remember thinking...I don't even care that it hurts...because I am present in this moment. I remember it all. I had a beautiful day of incredible amazing memories. The volunteers were amazing, the runners were amazing and I was amazing. I may not have won any awards....but I showed up for redemption and I got it. I might as well of won the whole thing...because my heart had wings....oh and lots of Coke.

After thoughts....

Go Beyond Racing is so great. I love participating in their races. Everything is very organized, the aid stations were fantastic and the course was well marked. So very grateful for races that are put on by people who actually care how the races goes. Thanks Go Beyond Racing! 

What does running mean to you?

What Running means to me……………..

What running used to mean to me:

Running was a punishment if we missed free throws. Running was a punishment for being late for practice. Running meant that I would get skinny and that meant I would be loved. It meant that I wouldn’t have to take my anti depressants. Running meant that I had a reason to wear cute running outfits as long as I lost the weight to do so. Running meant that I could eat as much food as I wanted and drink as many ciders as I wanted to. Running meant I would have my sanity and it meant that I was worth something.

I think it changes for me as I progress into a more experienced runner and a healthier individual.

What Running means to me now:

Means friendship and family…community. It means waking up before most of the rest of the world. It means quality time with me. It means seeing parts of trails I wouldn't have otherwise seen and meeting people I wouldn't have met. Running means to me....taking pride in my daily routine. It means being a healthy example to the people around me. It means taking care of the 1 body I was given. The time I spend running….no one is telling me I am not good enough, I don’t feel like I have to impress anyone but myself. It means putting one foot in front of the other even when I am exhausted. To me, it means being “injured” …just means that maybe the next couple weeks of running will be a little more uncomfortable than usual. Running to me, is setting a goal and meeting it….challenging myself and then meeting that challenge.  Living in a world where everything is shaped around convenience... everybody wants things as easy as possible… then when something difficult comes up we don’t know how to face it…or we choose not to because it’s too hard. I never want to be the person who says, "Nope, cant do it." I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to teach my kids to live like that. I don’t want to be an example of that to my nieces and nephew. I want to be the definition of hard work. To not hesitate in the face of hard work. I never want FEAR to get in the way of my goals. Running teaches me how to go up against challenges and trails head on and to not run away from it. I am becoming the best version of myself with my training. So I welcome the days of soreness, the loss of toe nails, and the embarrassing finishes-because, with it comes the satisfaction of knowing I have put in hard work even when I didn’t have to. When the rest of the world would understand if I quit, I still didn’t. To me, running is a gift… a gift I don’t intend on taking for granted.  Running to me means, getting up when it’s still dark and running in the rain even though I would rather be sleeping. I love the quote that goes something like …. If you are ever losing faith in humanity, go watch a marathon… there is something about people coming together all with a goal of working hard and finishing… it’s a beautiful thing..everything from the runners to the volunteers and the spectators.  Running… it’s an incredible and underrated way of life…it’s not just an activity or exercise. It trains your mind and soul as much as your body. Teaches you the meaning of perseverance. It means showing people even though the world has tried to break you...you can keep going and you can lead a beautiful life. It means to keep going when all you want to do is close your eyes and give up. To give in to the darkness. Life is beautiful… but as many highs as it has…there are many lows. I hit one of my lowest lows and I thank god that I was in the middle of training. Running saved my life. Running teaches me to not be a victim. It teaches me to be the hero of my own life. Because, when you are at mile 19 of a 50k… and it’s 85 degrees… and your diaphragm feels like it’s trying to bust out of you and your feet feel like they’re going to fall off and you come up to the aid station. They let you know you are allowed to quit or you can keep going. At that moment, quitting sounds pretty great. To sit down and have a rest.... But, that feeling you get when you cross the finish line even though you thought you couldn’t…that feeling right there…NOTHING can ever take that away. Nothing will ever match that feeling of continuing to fight when you have no fight left. Still think running is just exercise?  Everyone should have something in their life that makes them fight to work harder…fight to get better... fight to live a more fulfilling life. And running is my something. When you come from not even being able to run a mile without stopping….and then running mountains, it becomes something more than exercise or an activity. What is running to me? It’s everything.  

Take a minute-what does running mean to you? 

:Post Smith Rock Ascent 50K:

NOT how I looked after the run

Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

MY Pride: Took quite a horrendous beating, but still seems to be still standing, however shakily. It's sunburned, dehydrated, slow and maaaay have a pulled muscle or 2.

Dear Insane reader who may make it to the end of this novel,

When I set out to do my first ultra marathon-I had allowed myself to have 2 "reasonable" expectations.

Expectation #1: To finish

Expectation #2: To not finish last

Turns out I was lucky enough just to finish. I wasn’t in any spot to be picky about placement though. Not counting of course the people who had to drop out mid run or didn’t start, I was within the finishing last 3 runners. Somebody’s got to be last-nobody wants to be but there’s always got to be someone to sweep up. You are welcome Smith Rock Ascent Runners….I took one for the team.  It's something that I am not really ok with, but I think eventually I will be.

This is why-

 I had every understandable reason to quit but didn’t. Volunteers were concerned and preferred me to quit and I didn’t. I even had a few reason to not even start the run in the first place. After a very exciting night of an enthusiastically nervous stomach and almost no sleep, I didn’t exactly set the stage for a successful race. Pfft, oh how the excuses are piling up. But, when you train so wholeheartedly for 6 months and it doesn’t go as planned-even though you put in the work, time and sacrifice….it can be heart wrenching…so it’s best to focus on the facts. Fact is, I pulled a muscle in my abdomen while dodging out of the way of a few 15 milers … “on your left, on your left on your left.” In order to stop myself from ending up on my toosh, I dodge to the right of the embankment and caught myself from falling-Don't worry I didn't damage the embankment too bad and also didn't take anyone with me-soooo win/win? ---- I felt the sharp tug across my ribs…and I continued to feel it all the way to the end. I sobbed. I laughed. I dropped a whole heck of a lot of F bombs. But, I finished… so I hit 50% of my expectation. Also, I didn't fuel adequately for running an ultra. 

Journey to the finish line-

I started out nice and strong. It was beautiful weather and an even more beautiful course. I found a nice pace and felt really really great. Just a little on the warm side. As we all climbed up miles and miles of incline up to the first aid station, I felt an odd since of confidence. How about from now on we DON’T trust the first 5.5 miles.

Then the <incident> happened. Every breath hurt and the pain made me nauseous. Somehow, some interesting logic set in. If I were to eat and drink as little as possible in the 80 degree heat, then, I could avoid throwing up and avoid the potential damage that would do to the already injured abdominal and therefore, I could run longer. #logic #whoneedswater Not only does that not make any sense now that I am off of the hot mountain….but it’s insane! Normal Running Ashley would never do that! But, this wasn’t normal running Ashley. This was crazy injured heat stroke Ashley who wasn’t going to quit no matter what.

Total Nutrition for 31.5 miles-
<cringe>
2 scoops of Hammer perpetuem (approx 440cal)-this saved me
3 cups of coke ( approx 210 cal)
2 cups of ginger ale (approx 186 cal)
1 bite of 1/4 of a pb & j (ehh?)
1 tiny bite of banana (doesn't even count)
MAYBE 1.5 liters of water-the rest I used to cool off with
Total: 840 cal if I am lucky 

Ladies and gents...this is NOT how you fuel for an event that you burn more than 3600 calories during. And I know this...I preach this...and yet.....<smh> 

Moving on...

I was alone for a very long time. My heart rate kept shooting up to 190 bpm and I was beyond thirsty. The funny thing about all of this…is that my body felt so strong. It was my injured core that was failing me. I got passed by horses and motorcycles. I waved and smiled-because no matter how much pain I was in-I was so grateful to be there. I am nuts. 

About mile 17 I found Sam. I remember thinking, “What the hell is he smiling about.” But, I have a feeling it was for the same reason I was smiling. He was just grateful to be there. Sam would end up being the person who got me from my delirious state of mind at mile 29 to the end. We made our way to the 3^rd aid station at about mile 19. The volunteers took a long look at me. I consumed a cup of ginger ale and coke and they dumped water in my pack and on my head. As the water hit my head I literally sobbed from the relief. They took a 3^rd look at me to make sure I was good to go and sent us on our way. 

Pictures do not do this place justice. I cannot tell you how beautiful this place is. I would struggle thru that all over again just to take in more of the view. Really truly one of the most beautiful runs I have ever been on. Oh! And holy cows! So many cows….baby cows too. So random…but makes for a nice memory lol.- Glad there wasn’t any daddy cows tho.

Sam stayed with me until it looked like if we stayed at my pace we may miss the 3pm cut off for the last aid station. I struggled alone. I found the one tree with shade on the whole course and sat down. It was over. I wasn’t going to make it to the last aid station in time. I messaged my husband and told him the news. And he told me to keep going and that the last 5 miles are downhill...(lies).  So I stood up and got light headed and sat back down. It was just so nice in that spot. I could feel my heart beating thru my sternum and my ribs throbbed. Yes, sitting was nice. But everything still hurt. So it was gonna hurt no matter what. Just then a smiley girl comes around the corner and tells me to get up, that I can still make it.

3:09pm- I make it to the last aid station. The medics are waiting there. They look me over and I see it on their faces. They think I am done for-that a marathon was all I was going to be running today. And a very slow one at that. I grab my cup of coke and they refill my water pack. I feel a couple of hands press into my arms to check my skin for sweat. Little did they know, I totally stopped sweating 5 miles ago. I basically beg to keep going. One of the volunteers look me in the face and says “can you promise me that you are good to go…that you are going to be fine?” ….. "uh yeah yeah  I am totally totally fine-".The volunteer then says, “ Ok, you can go if you can leave in 1 minute-but no one else-that’s it.” Then my eyes fill with tears because even though it would be so nice to stop now,I am so relieved I still have a chance to finish. Then, a medic grabs my phone and literally types in MEDIC and a phone number in case I need help on the trail. “Call me immediately if you need help, I am not joking. Immediately.”  I take one last swig of coke and then ask the volunteer who made me swear an oath that I was fine, to dump cold water on my head. And then I was off....as quick as a snail on mountain dew giving the volunteers 2 thumbs up as they’re yelling out to me to be careful and call them if needed help….gave one last “don’t worry I wont drop dead on the trail, I promise.” And BAM I was off to finish what I started.

5 miles from the finish- mantra central….

I am alone, I am all alone. It is hot. It's so so so so hot. I can't feel my feet. I cant feel my feet. Can you feel your feet? Wait, who am I talking to... Oh crap all I can feel is my feet. I am going to die here. I'm dying yep. Nope, I promised them I wouldn’t die. If I die they get in trouble for letting me go. Must not die. Must not die. 5 more miles 5 more miles 5 more miles. That’s a big cliff. That’s a big cliff. Oooh butterflies…nope wild flowers. I love wild flowers. What makes a flower wild?  Butterflies would melt out here. Oop...the flower is flying now, why is it doing that? Nope that’s a butterfly. Pain is temporary, pain is temporary… My face feels crunchy… why is my face crunchy. Why do I hear my footsteps twice? That’s weird. Person. Person. Ah crap another “on your lefter.” A very energetic and happy man was running quickly by-asked me if I needed water or a hat or juice…at least I think he offered me a hat. I wish I would’ve taken the hat. Actually,  I should’ve taken water…I just remember being so embarrassed at how bad I was doing…(Why doesn't he look tired?)I just wanted him to be on his way so he could get out of the heat.  What if he gets the last finisher glass-gah come back! And then I was alone again. I unplugged my headphones and propped my phone up in my pack after pushing play- so that I could just hear the music without head phones. I will tell you …this was a lot harder than it sounds.  I wanted to take a video at this time but couldn’t figure out how to work my phone to do so. Why cant Apple create a phone that just does what I want it to when I am dying of heat exhaustion and dehydration> rude. Or maybe I just eat more next time. 

Sweeping-

I couldn’t tell you what mile it was…maybe just before 28…I found Sam again. Overheated and ready for his after race beer as much as me. So, we continued on. That’s when I realized I was almost out of water. Don’t worry; even tho I wasn’t drinking the water in my pack….I had been pouring it on my head, arms, and legs- . It’s like everything I had learned during training just flew out the window. SMH.  Everyone had been saying the last 5 miles is down hill…guess what? That’s not true lol. I mean there was a lot of down hill buuuuuut kiiinda felt like I was going up hill a lot still. Finally, we came to a large down hill… the down was excruciating on my rib cage…I kept repeating all the way down… “Pain is temporary, pain is temporary, finisher glass, finisher glass, stupid ass mountain, stupid ass mountain, pain is temporary.” As we came down the mountain I heard Sam say something about less than a 5k…so I started repeating that over and over again. We ran into a couple of medics…one of which stayed with us till the end, I think…It’s a little foggy. 2 miles to go…I remember repeating that over and over again. I was out of water.

Climbers waved at us and told us we were awesome…but I didn’t know what what they were talking about. Somehow I got an ice pack and put that on my rib cage. Each breath felt like my rib cage may drop at anytime. Less than a mile. The medic was with us when we came to a water fountain and sprinkler. They filled one of my water bottles and I drank it…it hurt going down my sore throat. Less than a mile, less than a mile. The medic pointed us to a hill on the left…I remember saying no. He said “this way is faster.” I said “no, the orange tape goes to the right and finisher glass.”

I don’t remember the hill, I don’t remember my legs moving anymore. I remember Sam saying something about run…and I did. I remember the yelling and something about a beast or something…and then be taken into the medic tent. I remember thinking, I have to finish my run for my finisher glass…I don’t have time to stop. Then a woman told me I was all done. Next thing I remember, I had a tiny little blue Gatorade in my left had and ice packs in my arm pits. I heard them take my heart rate. But really all I could think about was how I couldn't feel my body and oh my god I had finished. Basically last, but I had finished. Just means I have a pretty good chance of coming out next year and smashing my time from this year. Later, I was told that I kept saying " I don't have time to go with you, I need to go finish my run" over and over again as they brought me in to the medic tent. Think I mastered that "mind over matter " situation yet?

I am so glad that I did this...it wasn't pretty, it wasn't anything incredible....buuut there is something so satisfying about severely wanting to quit more than anything in the world but also wanting to finish more than anything in the world -at the same time...and still finishing..NOT giving up... that is where the mind over matter comes in...being a runner is about so much more to me than "being fit" ..it's about pushing my body way way way beyond what is comfortable...what is "normal"... And then looking back on that journey and going.. "OK, I did that. That was me. No cut corners, no shortcuts...just me and the battle of mind over matter-and I cant wait to see what I can do next time." Sure, it would've been nice to NOT finish close to last. Sure, it would've been awesome to not feel like I was dying for 26 miles of it. Yeah, it would've been fantastic to remember all of my training out there and to take in the scenery more...but this was my 1st ultra...sooooo, I am gonna go ahead and cut myself some slack and just be happy with finishing. Good job, me. 

Sincerely,

Totally worth it and I cant believe you read this whole thing-and everyone calls me nuts

PS: drink water during an ultra.k thanks.

Shout out to my partner out on the course Sam Del Biaggio- Thanks so much for getting me through some dark dark moments out there.

The medics for being so awesome! And for not putting me down for my lack of fueling and hydrating out there.

And the volunteers-seriously, you guys rock! Best volunteers I've ever had at a race. I've never felt so "taken care of" during a run. You guys deserve a medal! Jus sayin.

My Husband James Kelly- For being so supportive of the long hours that it takes to train for something like this-and for being supportive of my insanity. 

Think Sport -

For your magic sun block that limited my sunburn sitch.... Can't believe I didn't get super fried ! 

Brooks cascadia- lovely lovely shoes that kept my feet pretty safe from massive damage ... Love these shoes !!!

Doc Spartan- brought my little combat ointment and clipped it to my pack .... Let me tell you- what a god send this was at mile 27 and my pack was rubbing against my next over and over again. 

Reader- For reading this whole thing-you are an angel


Here is my bumpy, skippy, video-forgive it please...because I left my creativity at home when I was running this...I forgot very simple things like : Pointing camera towards beautiful scenery instead of the ground lol...next time guys...next time. I'm a work in progress for sure lol... It's only a little one 4 minutes long....I ran for like 8 hours sooooo come on don't give up now.

Had to fix the video ----it will be back up later....gah...

-::Pre-Smith Rock Ascent 50K::-

I spent most of the week a bundle of nerves leading up to this weekend. I've ran all the scenarios of "what if's" and "oh no's!" and "whoopsies!!" through my head...and I THINK I've gotten it out of my system. I have however not stopped checking what the weather is going to be like on Saturday. Don't worry, I check it like 40 times a day...so if it changes ( and it has a lot) I will know about it. Forecast says HOT. Don't worry I DO NOT melt in the heat. Oh wait, yep I do. 


I watched a Ginger Runner film last night...(well I watched quite a few)... but the one I am specifically referring to is ::The 2015 Gorge Waterfalls 50K.:: This is actually a run that I would like to do next year <let's survive the first one shall we>. It's a really really challenging run and on this course I did A LOT of my training runs. I actually ran into the 2016 race on my 26 mile training run- even got in their race photos lol. Anyway- my point is....( If I even have a point).. is that I did a lot of my training on a very challenging course-----> so it made me feel a little more confident in my training and what I have done to get ready for Smith Rock.  But seriously, watch it, it's great... wait...read my blog first...then watch it- --link is at the bottom.-- Moving on...

I have done some strange things to get ready...or to keep my mind off of the nervousness. I went shooting with my husband (that's a first) ...turns out I don't have much upper body strength because I was very sore afterwards (aka: I am such a bad ass). I have memorized the aid station miles (there's only 4 - apparently, that is MORE than enough for a small little 31.5 miler nbd.). I am not totally clear on my thought process of memorizing where the aid stations are but I am sure it will be very helpful when I am exhausted, sun burnt, sweaty and incoherent. Also, found out there are no port-a-potties on the entire course (aside from the start/finish)...good thing there are tons of trees and bushes to pee behind at Smith Rock-Oh, wait..nope... it's the desert..so I guess I'll find a rock to pee on. I finally understand why an experienced Ultra Marathoner told me to bring baby wipes----> Yikes!. <Basically, I am a delicate flower who has been spoiled with JIC Port-a-potties every 2 miles-It's like Road Side Assistance...you may never use it but it's just nice to know it's there.> 


Today's main focus is nutrition & breathing. Wonky nerves make it hard to eat . . . (and breathe).....but I have been doing a pretty good job keeping up on nutrition-it's the breathing that I am having trouble with. Supplies at my desk for hydration are; coffee, water and coconut water. The Bear naked is just for fun cuz it's delicious!<That's what she said? hmm>

It'll help that today is Cinco De Mayo and we are having a taco potluck at work-mmmmm tacos. 


Also-made out some packing lists; ya know to make me feel better

First Packing list-
::BRING 3 of EVERYTHING I OWN+ Baby Wipes (apparently)::

Revised More Realistic Packing Checklist (Running Essentials)-

-Nathan Firecatcher Hydration Vest+ Water bottles
-Burts Bees Chapstick- <Peppermint of course>
-ThinkSport Sunblock <bc #pasty>
-KT Tape
-DocSpartan Combat Ointment < that's a gross word >
-RunGoo <for the tosies>
-Garmin + charger
-Headphones x2
-Hammer Perpetuem
-Hammer Gel
-Trail Butter
-Nuun Active/Energy
-Skratch Lab Apple Cinn (BC YUM)
-Vega Recovery
-1200 different Adidas & Under Armour running outfits <bc of my constant battle of wanting to be comfy and not wanting to look like a rollie pollie hippo-going for flattering and comfy-is that soooo much to ask?>
-Swift wick socks
-Nike Sports bra
-Nike Zip Up for before the run
-Coffee
-Black Butte Porter <Beer of course>
-Flip Flops 
-Brooks Cascadia 10 
-Saucony Kinvara 4
-Pepto (BC despite popular belief I am NOT a Unicorn)

I will tell you- that I have made out this list about a billion times because every time I went to save it didn't save. And every time I went to type out the list I got more and more nervous. Right now I have this fear of the no port a potties in a desert scene. Do I pop a squat behind a rock? Do I accidentally pee on my shoe? What happens if I cant get back up? And when I fall, did I have time to pull up my shorts?? Gah! <This is my nightmare>-Got me a whole new bucket of "What if's"! 


                Thank you sweet readers for indulging my rant- IF you made it through the whole thing-if you didnt..... well, then you suck. Jk kinda...no really I am kidding. But seriously, it's not really that long. Ok ok...NOW, you  may watch the Ginger Runner video below. Wait-nope...send me happy thoughts for my first Ultra Marathon this weekend...and send them in the direction of Smith Rock.. thanks. Noooow you may go... 

Ginger Runner Film- 

::_:Taper Anyone?:_::

My first Ultra Marathon is about a week away sooooo I am enjoying the world of tapering. I hate it so much. No, really it's the best. This is what you have to look forward to during this time:

Running on limited amounts of endorphin's

The most exciting extravaganza on your itinerary is drinking water out of your new water bottle. (whoop) 

Having the urge to organize everything in your house 

Scaling trying to scale back on the amount of food you eat

Agreeing to go shooting with your husband because you are the best wife ever good wife... (don't worry pictures to come-I have another week of tapering hell)
Random bursts of irritability-it's totally not your fault... I think 

Being grumpy for no reason...oh I've got reasons, and their good ones

You get to enjoy all of the amazing rest-<bleh>

Time to think about all the things that could go wrong in your upcoming race 

Pangs of intense jealousy when you see someone running down the street-nothing to be toooo concerned about ... you are probably a middle child and dont like to be left out of anything---> not really your fault-you didn't choose when you were born. 

Geeking out on as many running blogs, articles, and You Tube videos as possible

More time to do your hair and dress nice for work

Spending more time blogging due to boredom this wonderful free time

More time to watch the Portland Trail Blazer playoffs 

Your body will start to feel.....less beat up

You'll feel stronger.. I'm Shore

Oh, but later that day your knees will feel crunchy and you'll start noticing "phantom ailments"-nope they're real.

Moments of concern panic "How am I going to run a 50k!! I've barely ran this week!"

Don't worry, your body will still wake you up nice and early even though you don't need to be up so early. rude. 

Maybe you'll feel You are going to feel like you are being really lazy but just roll with it, it's fine

Speaking of "roll" ... you'll have lots of quality boring time with your foam roller

More time to obsess about your training that has lead up to the race... which is the best

Gah-you'll have plenty of time to change your race day game plan 27 times...so <phew>

I'm gonna get fat...this is how it happens. Tapering happens. 
Did I mention more time for unnecessary super necessary blogging? Or creepy runner blog stalking?

If you get cut off in traffic and want to crawl out of your car and attack the person who did it...don't-it's just due to high levels of pint up unused running fury... just don't-maybe go for a tranquil walk run instead ok? 

Don't forget about the hours you'll spend playing with a race pace calculator-- no you can't run a 50k in 2 hours...

Binge running meme research

More time for thinking about running....although, you could totally do that whilst running. 
Stop messing with your form 1 week before the race k? It's fantastic fine for now. 

You'll feel very protective of the time you do get to run.. like seriously...don't you plan anything during that time...things will get real intense, real fast. I'm kidding ofcourse.

Less time in that super cutesy hideous reflective safety vest and head lamp....does anyone ever look cute in those? Lolo Jones. Lolo Jones would be cute in that. Rude. 

<sigh> 

I make sarcastic jokes...I laugh about it lol...because it's hilarious to me how you go from running 45-60 miles a week and then your at Friday and you have only ran 20  miles for the week so far and it's like "What have I done this week?" Nothing you've done nothing you lazy bum. Not sure when this transformation of needing to run happened. 3 Months ago, that's when it happened.  They say it takes 21 days to create a habit...I think it took a little bit longer for me. Then whole getting up at 4:30 am and running before the stupid beautimus sun is up, took a lot of pushing. 
Tapering is what you make it- no it's dumb, that's what it is. I have found more time to spend with my family and more time to get some things done that have been stressing me out ...things I have understandably constantly left undone. And in the end...tapering makes you stronger and it organizes your closet-maybe the bookshelves?. It's like torture TLC for your body. It works hard for you...you need to give it time to be lazy repair and rebuild. But, in times of boredom it's essential nice to have a sense of humor. Half the reason I train for specific events is so that I can enjoy the "process". And tapering is alllll apart of the process. 

Sincerely, 

          -Misses running high mileage so much it hurts- 
           Embracing the rest and relaxation semi wholeheartedly

PS: Had a tiny milky way today---> and I don't even feel bad about it ;)-eh i kinda do

PPS: Stop taking this so seriously it's funny ok? No seriously, it's funny. 

:Self Doubt:

OK-so I get that a 2 hr half marathon time isn't very fast. I get that. I really do. I am not so naive that I think that I am something special in the talent department. But, I am also not stupid. Not everyone gets up before the sun to work towards their goal. Not everyone sacrifices money and time to work towards their goal. And I KNOW that not everyone works HARD on a daily basis. Like truly works hard....past the point of comfort. Where the voice in the back of your head says " you are never going to get better" but you keep on pushing. It may be seen as foolish or silly to be so open about my running journey------> there might be more people who think its silly than there are people who think it's great or motivational. But, it's worth it to look "silly" if I reach one person....if I convince one person to do the best thing they can possibly do for themselves. At that's to STOP talking yourself out of the things you want to accomplish. Stop convincing yourself that you really don't want it just because it seems unattainable- just because you think that you'll fail. Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid of not trying at all. 


So truth time..... I've spent my entire day putting myself down in my head. I am my worst critic. Everyone who has said negative things to me...or discouraging things to me about my running or goals...just know that I've said worse to me. I have been replaying everything negative that everyone has said about my "running obsession". Replaying every eye roll and every obstacle in my head. As it gets closer to my first Ultra Marathon....I've gotten more and more scared. Scared that I wont finish. Scared that I am not ready. . . . scared doesn't even seem like the correct word-Terrified. There's the right word. Panicked works too. Part of the reason I have been so open and transparent about my training recently is because my brain is stuck in a constant battle of wanting to quit and holding on for dear life. I am not being dramatic...I am being truthful. I mean, who works THIS hard and still ends up being an "Average Joe Runner". Shouldn't I be placing at races? Shouldn't I be something phenomenal? Eventually, I will. And phenomenal looks different to everyone. To me it's being the best possible version of me for the people that I love. Just in the past 4 months I have become so much better of a person. A hardworking person. I cant just choose to work my ass off in running and neglect everything else....it spreads to everything else. I have gotten better at my job, at not procrastinating. I am more motivated and driven. I am enjoying the life that I was given and taking good care of the temple I was given. I am grateful for my legs and arms and my beating heart. And I am grateful for how much better I know that I'll become. 

But today, I am discouraged. I post all of these running posts and pictures and motivational quotes.....and as a runner I am not even a very talented one.... I am not breaking any records any time soon. But, I guess it would be easier and less impressive to keep training so hard if I had immediate results. Takes more to keep working extremely hard....and NOT seeing immediate results. So for the rest of the day....I am going to take a deep breath and cut myself some slack---maybe chalk all this self doubt up to nerves.  

Crossing off all of that self doubt. Moving on....

"Whether you think you can, or think you cant-- you're right."

― Henry Ford

:_:Bend Marathon & Half:_:--2016

This past weekend I ran the Bend Half Marathon. A challenging and visually rewarding course. It really was beautiful. I would say 70% of why I run is to see what's out there. To be able to see the views that I wouldn't normally be there for. That is why trail running is so rewarding for me. After I have been running up hill for over 6 miles, climbed over downed trees, climbed over boulders, waded through snow and crossed over trail rivers....that view at the top can be so incredibly rewarding. 

The Bend Marathon & Half was VERY organized and so beautiful. The volunteers were amazing, the vendors were great and the runners even more so. It was very chilly but beautiful. A couple miles into the race it did snow and hail...that was a little surprising. And the hills were a lot more frequent than I thought they would be. And did I mention 4 other times that it was beautiful? No? Oh, welllll, it was. 


I signed up for this race after my friend Barb asked me to come with and support her while she ran the Bend Full Marathon. I figured it would be a great opportunity to get an idea of what the higher elevation is going to feel like during my Smith Rock Ultra in 11 days. Despite the challenging course and the fact that I was taking it a little easier than I usually would for an organized run ( #tapering) , I still ran a personal best. Ran the half in 2:04:14. If it had been a flatter course I definitely would've been under 2 hours. Overall, very happy with my time. After I crossed the finish line I was coughing quite a bit though-I am guessing it was due to not being used to running 13.1 miles at 3,200ft. Don't worry I wasn't the only one, I swear!. Been concerned about my running cadence recently. I have been averaging about 130 or so for the past 10 runs.... Not great when you are shooting for within 20 of 180. Well not only did I have a personal best on a challenging course at higher elevation but also got my running cadence to an average of 166 spm. So, I am not mad about that at all. 

Barb also ran her personal best for the Full Marathon. She did really really great. Running the full with a time of 4:24:00. And she didn't really seem to be that beat up afterwards. It really was an amazing running day. Very proud of both of us and cant wait to see what new heights we reach. This is only the beginning and I am going nowhere but UP!