::_:Taper Anyone?:_::

My first Ultra Marathon is about a week away sooooo I am enjoying the world of tapering. I hate it so much. No, really it's the best. This is what you have to look forward to during this time:

Running on limited amounts of endorphin's

The most exciting extravaganza on your itinerary is drinking water out of your new water bottle. (whoop) 

Having the urge to organize everything in your house 

Scaling trying to scale back on the amount of food you eat

Agreeing to go shooting with your husband because you are the best wife ever good wife... (don't worry pictures to come-I have another week of tapering hell)
Random bursts of irritability-it's totally not your fault... I think 

Being grumpy for no reason...oh I've got reasons, and their good ones

You get to enjoy all of the amazing rest-<bleh>

Time to think about all the things that could go wrong in your upcoming race 

Pangs of intense jealousy when you see someone running down the street-nothing to be toooo concerned about ... you are probably a middle child and dont like to be left out of anything---> not really your fault-you didn't choose when you were born. 

Geeking out on as many running blogs, articles, and You Tube videos as possible

More time to do your hair and dress nice for work

Spending more time blogging due to boredom this wonderful free time

More time to watch the Portland Trail Blazer playoffs 

Your body will start to feel.....less beat up

You'll feel stronger.. I'm Shore

Oh, but later that day your knees will feel crunchy and you'll start noticing "phantom ailments"-nope they're real.

Moments of concern panic "How am I going to run a 50k!! I've barely ran this week!"

Don't worry, your body will still wake you up nice and early even though you don't need to be up so early. rude. 

Maybe you'll feel You are going to feel like you are being really lazy but just roll with it, it's fine

Speaking of "roll" ... you'll have lots of quality boring time with your foam roller

More time to obsess about your training that has lead up to the race... which is the best

Gah-you'll have plenty of time to change your race day game plan 27 times...so <phew>

I'm gonna get fat...this is how it happens. Tapering happens. 
Did I mention more time for unnecessary super necessary blogging? Or creepy runner blog stalking?

If you get cut off in traffic and want to crawl out of your car and attack the person who did it...don't-it's just due to high levels of pint up unused running fury... just don't-maybe go for a tranquil walk run instead ok? 

Don't forget about the hours you'll spend playing with a race pace calculator-- no you can't run a 50k in 2 hours...

Binge running meme research

More time for thinking about running....although, you could totally do that whilst running. 
Stop messing with your form 1 week before the race k? It's fantastic fine for now. 

You'll feel very protective of the time you do get to run.. like seriously...don't you plan anything during that time...things will get real intense, real fast. I'm kidding ofcourse.

Less time in that super cutesy hideous reflective safety vest and head lamp....does anyone ever look cute in those? Lolo Jones. Lolo Jones would be cute in that. Rude. 

<sigh> 

I make sarcastic jokes...I laugh about it lol...because it's hilarious to me how you go from running 45-60 miles a week and then your at Friday and you have only ran 20  miles for the week so far and it's like "What have I done this week?" Nothing you've done nothing you lazy bum. Not sure when this transformation of needing to run happened. 3 Months ago, that's when it happened.  They say it takes 21 days to create a habit...I think it took a little bit longer for me. Then whole getting up at 4:30 am and running before the stupid beautimus sun is up, took a lot of pushing. 
Tapering is what you make it- no it's dumb, that's what it is. I have found more time to spend with my family and more time to get some things done that have been stressing me out ...things I have understandably constantly left undone. And in the end...tapering makes you stronger and it organizes your closet-maybe the bookshelves?. It's like torture TLC for your body. It works hard for you...you need to give it time to be lazy repair and rebuild. But, in times of boredom it's essential nice to have a sense of humor. Half the reason I train for specific events is so that I can enjoy the "process". And tapering is alllll apart of the process. 

Sincerely, 

          -Misses running high mileage so much it hurts- 
           Embracing the rest and relaxation semi wholeheartedly

PS: Had a tiny milky way today---> and I don't even feel bad about it ;)-eh i kinda do

PPS: Stop taking this so seriously it's funny ok? No seriously, it's funny. 

:Self Doubt:

OK-so I get that a 2 hr half marathon time isn't very fast. I get that. I really do. I am not so naive that I think that I am something special in the talent department. But, I am also not stupid. Not everyone gets up before the sun to work towards their goal. Not everyone sacrifices money and time to work towards their goal. And I KNOW that not everyone works HARD on a daily basis. Like truly works hard....past the point of comfort. Where the voice in the back of your head says " you are never going to get better" but you keep on pushing. It may be seen as foolish or silly to be so open about my running journey------> there might be more people who think its silly than there are people who think it's great or motivational. But, it's worth it to look "silly" if I reach one person....if I convince one person to do the best thing they can possibly do for themselves. At that's to STOP talking yourself out of the things you want to accomplish. Stop convincing yourself that you really don't want it just because it seems unattainable- just because you think that you'll fail. Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid of not trying at all. 


So truth time..... I've spent my entire day putting myself down in my head. I am my worst critic. Everyone who has said negative things to me...or discouraging things to me about my running or goals...just know that I've said worse to me. I have been replaying everything negative that everyone has said about my "running obsession". Replaying every eye roll and every obstacle in my head. As it gets closer to my first Ultra Marathon....I've gotten more and more scared. Scared that I wont finish. Scared that I am not ready. . . . scared doesn't even seem like the correct word-Terrified. There's the right word. Panicked works too. Part of the reason I have been so open and transparent about my training recently is because my brain is stuck in a constant battle of wanting to quit and holding on for dear life. I am not being dramatic...I am being truthful. I mean, who works THIS hard and still ends up being an "Average Joe Runner". Shouldn't I be placing at races? Shouldn't I be something phenomenal? Eventually, I will. And phenomenal looks different to everyone. To me it's being the best possible version of me for the people that I love. Just in the past 4 months I have become so much better of a person. A hardworking person. I cant just choose to work my ass off in running and neglect everything else....it spreads to everything else. I have gotten better at my job, at not procrastinating. I am more motivated and driven. I am enjoying the life that I was given and taking good care of the temple I was given. I am grateful for my legs and arms and my beating heart. And I am grateful for how much better I know that I'll become. 

But today, I am discouraged. I post all of these running posts and pictures and motivational quotes.....and as a runner I am not even a very talented one.... I am not breaking any records any time soon. But, I guess it would be easier and less impressive to keep training so hard if I had immediate results. Takes more to keep working extremely hard....and NOT seeing immediate results. So for the rest of the day....I am going to take a deep breath and cut myself some slack---maybe chalk all this self doubt up to nerves.  

Crossing off all of that self doubt. Moving on....

"Whether you think you can, or think you cant-- you're right."

― Henry Ford

:_:Bend Marathon & Half:_:--2016

This past weekend I ran the Bend Half Marathon. A challenging and visually rewarding course. It really was beautiful. I would say 70% of why I run is to see what's out there. To be able to see the views that I wouldn't normally be there for. That is why trail running is so rewarding for me. After I have been running up hill for over 6 miles, climbed over downed trees, climbed over boulders, waded through snow and crossed over trail rivers....that view at the top can be so incredibly rewarding. 

The Bend Marathon & Half was VERY organized and so beautiful. The volunteers were amazing, the vendors were great and the runners even more so. It was very chilly but beautiful. A couple miles into the race it did snow and hail...that was a little surprising. And the hills were a lot more frequent than I thought they would be. And did I mention 4 other times that it was beautiful? No? Oh, welllll, it was. 


I signed up for this race after my friend Barb asked me to come with and support her while she ran the Bend Full Marathon. I figured it would be a great opportunity to get an idea of what the higher elevation is going to feel like during my Smith Rock Ultra in 11 days. Despite the challenging course and the fact that I was taking it a little easier than I usually would for an organized run ( #tapering) , I still ran a personal best. Ran the half in 2:04:14. If it had been a flatter course I definitely would've been under 2 hours. Overall, very happy with my time. After I crossed the finish line I was coughing quite a bit though-I am guessing it was due to not being used to running 13.1 miles at 3,200ft. Don't worry I wasn't the only one, I swear!. Been concerned about my running cadence recently. I have been averaging about 130 or so for the past 10 runs.... Not great when you are shooting for within 20 of 180. Well not only did I have a personal best on a challenging course at higher elevation but also got my running cadence to an average of 166 spm. So, I am not mad about that at all. 

Barb also ran her personal best for the Full Marathon. She did really really great. Running the full with a time of 4:24:00. And she didn't really seem to be that beat up afterwards. It really was an amazing running day. Very proud of both of us and cant wait to see what new heights we reach. This is only the beginning and I am going nowhere but UP!

:-::Lost Girl::-:

-------Week 13 of training for my first ultra-------

This is the beginning of my tapering. I only did 27 miles this week. I have some pretty tight sore muscles at the moment and I didn't help things by doing the super intense trail run up Larch Mountain yesterday. Going to need to really baby my body for the next 3 weeks before my ultra. #myachilleshatesme

::Recap of Saturday's Long run::

A friend of mine who is also training for the Smith Rock Ascent 50K told me how hard that run was going to be...when I told him I was running from Multnomah Falls to the top of Larch Mountain.  I have been getting more and more nervous as the Ultra gets closer. So I wanted to do another really challenging run to gain a little bit more confidence. Mostly, my confidence took a beating. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the fact that I chose a run that had an over 5000ft elevation gain over a 17 mile span, or maybe it was the fact that it really was just a very very challenging run. Now, my ultra is almost the same elevation gain over a 31.5 mile distance. Soo...it should be more gradual. My left achilles and calf gave me A LOT of trouble-not up hill but alllllllll the way downhill. I literally had to repeat to myself outloud for a good hour "pain is temporary, pain is temporary, pain is temporary."

That run was supposed to be 6.8 miles to the top with a elevation gain of 4074ft. I forgot to turn on my gps for 1.5 miles coming down the mountain...luckily I knew how far that huge fallen tree was from the top since I glanced at my Garmin every 3 seconds going ever so slowly up that last 2 miles. I also got turned around and somehow ended up on the Oneonta/Franklin trail and at some point got turned around on the Multnomah Spur trail. Still not really sure how that happened. When you are hiking slowly I think its easier to keep track.....buuuuut when you are running down hill only watching the ground to make sure you don't trip on rocks or roots or boulders or trees or your own ankles...it can be easy for one to miss a trailhead. There were quite a few moments that I would realize....oh crap...I am not going the way I came. Oh well.....in the end I had burned almost 3000 calories and had an elevation gain of over 5000ft and around 17 miles and got to see an amazing view as I made it to the top. Incredible. PS: Tried brining a PB&J on my run instead of relying mostly on Perpetuem. I had absolutely NO stomach aches while out. It was nice. Apparently, your body WANTS real food.

Not liquid calories only. 

:::After:::

Every Saturday on the way home from whatever trail I have been training on I go straight to Youskyme Teriyaki and get Gyoza. This time I picked up my Gyoza and went home and crawled into a hot bath and ate my gyoza. I was so tired, hungry and sore that I couldn't fathom a different way of doing things at that moment. So I (without shame) ate my gyoza in the bath. My feet have never taken such a beating. I took off my shoes and all of that aggressive down hill pounding had left holes in the tips of my brand new running socks. ::That's a first::. My feet also looked like i had been in the bath for 3 hours. Prunes, bruised and beat up. It's safe to say that my Brooks Cascadia 10 trail shoes are now broken in. I don't want to turn this collection of running thoughts from my long run into a trail running shoe review...but I absolutely love those shoes.

In the end it was an incredible memory that I will forever remember. I was a little scared to go by myself...but I have gotten stronger, braver and a lot more self sufficient. I am learning thing about myself that I never knew were there... I have always been someone who is trapped by fear. Fear of making a fool of myself, of being ignored or forgotten, of failing.....----Now my biggest fear is not pursing my goals, of not even trying and of giving up when things get hard. My goals have gotten so much bigger. I have HUGE plans for me. I don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to wake up one day and WISH I had given 110%. No more talking myself out of the things I want to accomplish. I am the only one in my way. So, I'll move.

::Jumping Back::Portland Marathon 2012::

::Portland Marathon 2012::

My first marathon I ever ran was with my friend Barb. I was training for a 20k in Hawaii ( to run it with my sister Mallory) and she was training for the Portland Marathon so for a while our training plans were at the same mileage. We did our long runs together until her training plan dramatically increased. Then, she asked me if I wanted to just keep training with her and then run the Portland Marathon. My first thought was "EW no. I have no desire ever to do that distance." But then all of a sudden I did have the desire. I mean, I had already ran a 16 miler...so what was 10.2 more miles? So, I said yes and signed up. I remember being at work and pushing the submit button. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.
 It was pretty great having a running partner for my long runs....seeing as now MOST of the time I run alone.  I think that when I pushed that submit button...I was mostly thinking about the fact that I wasn't going to have to train alone.....I wasn't going to BE alone.....not the fact that I was going to be training for a FULL Marathon. 


At the time I was at the end of a crumbling marriage. I needed something. I needed something to focus on and to work towards. Something that honestly made life worth living again.The training alone was life changing. I was very aware of how tired I was and how much everything hurt. At that time, that was the hardest I had ever pushed my body. ......  Looking back at elementary school, middle school,  and high school and even after----- I was a quitter. If I was uncomfortable or something hurt I was sitting out. If my lungs hurt I was walking. I never made the choice to push myself past that point of discomfort. At that time...during the training of my first marathon.... I was dying. I truly felt like I was dying. And that training saved my life. I  wasn't feeling anything. I was numb to everything in my life and it was killing me. Training and the actual race took me thru the all time highs and the all time lows. It helped me feel again. Helped me cope. And I am so grateful for that experience and for the friend I was able to run it with. There's a quote I absolutely LOVE "If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon." Emil Zatopek

-Portland Marathon 2012-

Hawaii 20K One month before the Portland Marathon

:::::"Haters":::::

I wasn't going to post this. When it first happened I just let it roll off because the "new" me doesn't care what people think. I know that I am working hard and that I am getting tougher and better. But, it still hurt. I do care what people think. I recently started up my blog (obviously) and have shared the link on Facebook. I am friends with a lot of my co workers on Facebook. Even with ones I don't necessarily talk to everyday. I was sitting on my break yesterday on a couch...and could hear people talking around the corner. And in the spot I am at it amplifies sounds. They were talking about a girl who posts about her running everyday blah blah blah...and it went something like this.... " Yeah, she started a running blog -like are you kidding me.......Oh big surprise she ran again......oh yay inspirational quotes I totally want to run now.... She runs twice a day big deal.....but if she really is running twice a day why the hell is she still fat?" Now.....3 months ago over hearing this humiliating demonstration of how these girls realllllly feel about me would have CRUSHED me. Though it didn't crush me it definitely stung for sure. I tried shaking it off. I tried to forget it. I don't even know which one of my "friends" were the ones saying it.....at the end of the day it really doesn't matter what they say about me....these are things I know to be true:

I get up everyday while the rest of the world is sleeping and I run-usually I have finished my run before the sun comes up. 

I sacrifice time with friends and family for a full day of running every Saturday. 

I've been running on sprained ankle for about 6 weeks. 

I was back on the trail a day and a half after my mouth surgery.

I have gotten faster and I have climbed hills that I have never been able to before.

My legs are ridiculously strong....and so are my lungs and heart. 

I have ran up the PCT over 4000 ft elevation gain ....thru narrow rocky trails and thru snow at high elevation. 

On Week 8 I ran my 22 miler with less than 2 hours of sleep the night before. 

All that keeps running thru my head is "Pain is temporary but quitting is forever." So the sting from those stupid heartless girls is very very temporary.....not to mention untrue and unfair. But, that feeling I get after I've completed yet another successful long run is going to fill me up for the rest of my life. 

::Netflix vs Asphalt::

Training for an ultra is a lot of work, time and sacrifice...not to mention the outrageous amount of food you eat. There are subtle changes that I really really notice about running. Like how what I ate 3 days ago...I'll feel on a 6 miler. How I feel 10 times heavier if I had 1 beer the day before a run. I can tell just by ....being.....when I have had enough water or if it's time to increase the h20 intake. I now plan all outings around my runs. Otherwise, there will always be  reason NOT to run. Today I came home from work and though I had already ran this morning...I wanted to get a few more miles in. Everyone in the house was lounging and watching shows and relaxing and that made it really really hard to lace up and hit the asphalt. Everything in me was saying to just throw on some yoga pants and curl up with Netflix and a Drop Top. However, I will not reach my goal if I did that every day, no matter how alluring it may be. So, I laced up and headed out and ended up having a really really great run. It's true what they say; that you'll feel awesome after you go and run vs. when you don't. 

::Jumping Back-Portland Marathon Take 3::

October 6, 2015

Portland Marathon

Looking back on that day I was on track to get a PR. It was my 3rd Marathon and never had it felt so good. Until it didn't. True...I am smiling in these pictures. But truth be told I had never been so disappointed in my running self ...as I was after that run. The whole last 5 miles was a huge battle for me. And I felt like I failed even tho I had finished. However, looking back I never trained the way I was supposed to. I didn't limit the indulgences that slowed me down. I didn't commit and that's why I broke down and lost momentum. I let my mind get in the way and my body started to shut down. So not only had my body given up so had my mind. 

These long runs I have been doing to get ready for the ultra have taught me a lot so far. But, the biggest thing it has taught me is that I have NEVER been ready for the marathons I have ran. It was kinda a miracle that I had finished all three. I never committed fully to the process. Imagine what I could do while giving 110%. I guess we will see what happens on May 7th. Because, I have definitely given myself fully to the process. I am so excited to see what the changes in me as I get stronger and tougher; mentally and physically. 

::Throwing Shoes::

I am not a professional runner. I am not a fast runner. I am not an elite or talented runner really. Nike is definitely not knocking on my door hoping to sponsor me. The absolute only thing that sets me apart from the average recreational runner is my insanity and fierce heart. The pull I feel towards pushing my body to its absolute limit. To where each step feels like I am having to pull from the depths of my soul to complete. I have ran the Portland Marathon 3 times. Now, that is 26.2 miles. And every time I hit the 21 mile mark I feel as though my soul is breaking. My mind all of a sudden goes from " I am totally doing this!" to " What. The. Hell. Am I. Doing. I cant do this. OMG I cant effing do this. Why does everything hurt. Everything. I am pretty sure my hair follicles hurt. My eye brows hurt. Can you pull an eye brow? Pancakes sound delic... nope I am definitely going to hurl. I am going to throw up right here. Can I die of running..running can kill me huh...this is how I die...WHOOP WHOOP I am totally doing this..nope.... I hate this. This is stupid. Next person to say " You are almost there" will get a shoe throw at them...wait, would I run better with out the shoes? Let's lose the shoes..crap cant reach my feet. ugh. Quick, think of all the reasons you are doing this..... well, there was a reason....uh....health or something...but this does NOT feel healthy, I feel like I am dying. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Can you run wrong? hmm." So that is what 1/4 of a mile looks like after I have reached mile 21 in a full marathon. Brutal. My last Portland Marathon (Oct 2015)... started out phenomenal... once I hit mile 21 everything went to crapola. Or at least my mind thought it had. My mind convinced me that running the rest was the worst possible thing I could do. After, I finished ... and after stating that I was NEVER going to run a marathon again... I went a head and let a friend of mine convince me to sign up for an Ultra Marathon. 31.5 Miles. NBD. The only possible conclusion I can come to is that I am absolutely certifiable. But, I will say I have never trained so well in my life. Every run has a purpose. The food I eat is to fuel my next run and I am in a constant state of hydration. All I am saying is...well...I am not really sure what I am saying.... I have been cataloging my entire journey. Every hard run, every easy run and every ever so challenging step I have taken in this journey. I have 34 days till race day. And I am scared, excited and feel like I am gonna hurl at any minute. Every day I pray that I just finish come race day. And some days I pray that I dont finish last. But, what's important here is that I have poured my heart and soul into this training and have cataloged it. I searched the web for ultra marathon blogs from a woman's point a view...but found MOSTLY mens. So, that and the fact that I am sure everyone on FB is probably tired of seeing all of my running posts, I thought it was probably time to just pour it all into my blog. So that is what I am doing. Man, that was kinda anti-climatic...  

::The Ultra Marathon::

"An ultra marathon, also called ultra distance, is any footrace longer than the traditional marathon length of 42.195 kilometers (26.219 mi)."

-AKA-
A ridiculously stupid amount of running in one sitting...in usually hot hot weather or cold cold weather going up hill both ways:: with snakes or bears sun bathing or rolling around in the snow. Beware, of sever hydration or frostbite or hypothermia. Side effects may include:: a severe hate for ever running anything ever again, being starving and wanting to throw up simultaneously, you may lose control of bowels or the ability to form complete sentences. OH, and after your hate of running mid run...you'll get a burst of energy that will make you feel like you're on top of the world. If you are lucky you will maintain that high for more than a minute. Hopefully, you won't burn your self out too soon because of this thing they call a runners high. Don't worry though, there will be 4 water stations during your 31.5 mile run and they will be "fully loaded". Whatever that means.  However, food will make you wanna hurl and you can only carry so much water with you. Also, be prepared to have trouble sitting, walking or movement of any kind for days afterwards. But, after swearing half way thru that you will NEVER EVER run this distance again...you will finish and then sign up for an even longer distance-because you are insane! All this is your reward if you are able to finish. Bam. Nailed it. *Drops mic*

Mind Over Matter: To convince yourself that you are NOT dying even though it totally feels like you might be. To keep pushing forward when you would really just like to find a hollowed out tree and crawl inside and curl up in the fetal position and just chill...maybe grab a beer. Let's be honest-that would be much easier.

Obviously Inspirational Quote: "We all have dreams, in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication and self-discipline and effort."
-Jesse Owens
Olympic gold-medalist runner