Mt. Hood 50 Recap: Redemption & Coke

"Sometimes when you are in a dark place you think you've been buried, but actually you've been planted." Christine Caine

Who knew that running a 50k could feel so good? I didn't? If I were to base what a 50k is going to feel like off of my first one back in May... I would relate it to turning on a big oven to 4000 degrees, crawling inside and doing burpees for 9 hours in sand with cheese graters for shoes. And then being too sickly to have beer after. I literally wasted my favorite beer. Couldn't do it. About a month before Smith Rock Ascent I put my name on the waiting list for Mt. Hood 50. I was doing really well in training and was feeling really ambitious... That's because I hadn't done a 50k yet.

It's amazing how spending hours on the internet watching videos on ultra marathons can skew your view on mileage. I started thinking ..."ohhh 31 miles isn't that much...some people run 100 miles.." But, let me tell you....  it is no small feat. Maybe for someone who trains for 100K's and 100 milers...but not to me.
I wont reiterate how terrible Smith Rock was for me...I did finish...but I was destroyed mentally, emotionally and physically. If you really wanna re live that journey feel free to read the super exhilarating blog post on that nightmare.

For now, lets just rewind back to Tuesday of last week. I had been checking the wait list over and over again to see if I had moved. I went from 80th to 52nd and then all of a sudden I was 7th over a week or so. Tuesday night when I went to bed I was the next in line on the list. Wednesday morning I woke up and I was officially in. The Mt. Hood 50k was the one I really wanted to run. Next to Gorge 50k...this was a bucket list run for me. You have to start somewhere...and I wanted to start close to home. I train in the gorge where the ground is squishy and rocks are all mossy. This is where I wanted a sense of redemption. And I was in. Oh god. Oh god. I am in. I'm going to have to run another 50k... oh no no no. -------->Minor panic attack aside, I was ready. I had continued to train as if I was getting in until the weekend before. It didn't look like I was getting in and I really wanted a tough adventure. So my friend Ryan and I did a route that started at Herman Creek to PCT and a small trek up Chinidere Mountain. After 23 miles and almost 6000 ft elevation gain... my legs were toast. My quads were absolutely pissed. Not to mention I was suffering some kind of ear ache flu at the same time. It was all bad....but amazing. I will never forget that run------> and my legs weren't going to let me forget it either. Luckily, after a very very quick taper my legs felt normal by Saturday (Mt. Hood 50k Eve). Everything seemed to be working correctly and I felt great. Nervous. But, great.

My biggest fear was starting Mt. Hood 50K and being miserable the whole time..missing the beautiful parts of long distance trail running. I told myself before I started that this was my main goal... to enjoy. So, I woke up race day and had a piece of toast with butter and a Raspberry Munk Pack. Wasn't gonna not fuel this time.

RACE TIME!

I started out slow... much much slower than what I wanted to. The first 6 miles flew by. It was absolutely beautiful. The first aid station I forced myself to eat 1/4 of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and a cup of coke and ginger ale and then I was off.  I do this thing to focus... I find a runner that is going my ideal pace and I snuggle up behind them (don't worry I have SOME boundaries....I keep a little distance)..my first "runner" was a guy with what looked like a puzzle piece man tattoo on his right calve. I followed behind him for a good 3 miles. Runner #2 was a woman who had a St. Johns Bridge tattoo on her left calve. Runner #3 was a really tall man who had ran the 50 miler the day before. I remember sending up a little prayer that he would do well because his early zombie shuffle made me nervous for him. After the 2nd aid station I started to struggle up a good size hill...and found my 4th runner. Her name is Bobi Jo and she was great. She asked me lots of questions and it kinda took my mind of the brutal climb. One of my favorite parts of running is the community. I love feeling like someones always got my back out there....complete strangers that are like family. Something that gave me a huge pep in my step was 3 different people yelling out "SMASH" on the course. ----> I guess more people follow my Instagram than I thought:)

As I came rolling into the aid station at the turn around I felt a little beat but still ready to rock n roll. I had continued to eat a 1/4 of a PB&J at every aid station and a cup or 2 of coke. I had also been sipping on my Hammer Perpetuem just to make sure I was keeping up on my nutrition. As I rolled back into the aid station at FSR 58 (where my husband was helping at a little over 17 miles-which was a WELCOMED surprise) I was no longer accepting solid foods. So, I switched over to just water, coke, and perpetuem. I had also been popping these wintergreen caffeine mints (Viter Energy Mints) that I got in last months stride box.

Coming down the hill after the aid station at FSR 58 I was flying (and when I say "flying" I mean faster than when I run on flat ground). I passed 6 guys struggling down the hill. Turns out that all of the training of down hill extravaganzas in the gorge really really helped out in the up and downhill department. Truth be told...my biggest struggle that day was the semi flat last 3-4 miles. It wasn't till about a mile after the Little Crater Lake AS that things got a little dark for me...Right before the AS at the Dam...my legs and internal organs felt like they were being thrown into a blender with rocks every step I took.I started think about what I could've done wrong. I had fueled, hydrated, paced myself...and what...it's still going to hurt? YES. Yes, it's still going to hurt. So, now I knew it was going to hurt whether I walked, jogged, ran or shuffled. So I ran. There was a moment where tears were streaming out of both eyes...I had to stop to fix my belt and pull myself together. Apparently, there was a ninja photographer hiding in the forest..because I stopped right in front of him just in time for a deer in the head lights standing in one spot picture. Yay!....great photo debut...but he kinda laughed as I said "wait wait wait I am not ready, I'm not ready!"..............HOLD UP...I'll address this...YES, I felt like I could be dying...but still wanted to make sure I got my running picture. When I ran Smith Rock...there was 1 picture of me... it barely seemed like I was at the event...it took me so long to run that event that the photographer left. So, I was very grateful that there was a photographer out there, hiding in the bushes like a picture snapping ninja, capturing my big crying, fixing my spibelt, deer in the head lights scene. I am pretty sure he got an actual running picture.... bless him. PS: Spibelt is broke...apparently the picture ninja startled me so much that I ripped it ...pfft who needs to use the zipper when you are so strong you can just rip it open...#winning.

The last 3 miles were a very close replay of Smith Rock...I repeated the words "Find a way" over and over again...mixed in with several hundred F bombs. My shoes were full of rocks and pine needles and every step felt like my feet were about to fall off. I prayed for them to fall off. I made weird facial expressions as I willed myself up what were tiny hills but felt like ginormous mountains.... turns out my face was really the only part of my body I was able to control at that time...so wiggling my eye browns and squinting my eyes was a fancy luxury. I started dreamed of a giant bottle of Coca Cola...this is coming from a person who has only had coke twice in the past 8 years. Once for my first ultra and then during my second. Apparently, ultra marathoner Ashley LOVES Coke. But, it's bad for you k...dont drink it #doasisaynotasido. My goal was to do WAY better than the last. My silent goal I made to myself was under 6.5 hours. I came up over that tiny hill and opening of the trees to the finish at 6:25:01. I actually remember crossing the finish. I reached for my face and almost started to cry but then my head start pounding. And I just remember thinking...I don't even care that it hurts...because I am present in this moment. I remember it all. I had a beautiful day of incredible amazing memories. The volunteers were amazing, the runners were amazing and I was amazing. I may not have won any awards....but I showed up for redemption and I got it. I might as well of won the whole thing...because my heart had wings....oh and lots of Coke.

After thoughts....

Go Beyond Racing is so great. I love participating in their races. Everything is very organized, the aid stations were fantastic and the course was well marked. So very grateful for races that are put on by people who actually care how the races goes. Thanks Go Beyond Racing! 

RocknRoll Seattle Race Recap

I've ran 3 marathons (All 3 were the Portland Marathon). All of them I have finished in over 5 hours. My fastest marathon time was 5:03:30. And each marathon left me a MESS,  (Broken toe nails, blisters galore and severely dehydrated) taking at least a week to recover. Saturday June 18th I went out and ran the Seattle Rock N' Roll Marathon with under 3 hours of sleep. I ran an Ultra marathon about a month and 10 days before that and did a few extra speed works than I shouldn't have during taper week. 

Saturday morning I woke up after an unfortunate night of very little sleep and headed towards the start line. After being dropped off about a mile away due to traffic, I jogged toward the start. I dropped off my gear and then went in search of the very celebrated inside bathroom facilities. By this time it was 6:15 AM...And all 3 floors of bathrooms had HUGE HUGE lines. lucky for me the start time was changed from 7 AM to 7:15 AM and honestly my corral didn't even start till 8 AM.  

First time wearing Stance running socks and I loved them!!!!

First thing I noticed when the race officially started was that I was definitely in the incorrect starting corral. My corral was for the 4:50 pace finishers. I had severely underestimated my abilities. I spent my first 5 miles weaving in and out of people to get into a comfortable pace. This was the first thing that felt so very different than my other marathons. I felt fine. I felt like I could go way faster. But, since I was not used to that feeling, I didn't want to get tooo crazy and go too fast. So, I stayed at about a 9:15/mi pace for the first few miles. 

There were so many amazing things about this run, but, the thing that left me in awe was the Blue Mile. A mile of pictures of fallen soldiers and people hold flags with the names of fallen soldiers. It took everything I had to not totally and completely lose it during that mile. Very powerful emotional mile. Then, there was the stroll around the lake, the trek across the bridges and the unsettling tour in the tunnels. 

But, let me skip ahead to the part I ALWAYS struggle with during a marathon. The final 5 miles. Exactly on time that wall definitely showed up in all of it's glory. Biting at my ankles and pulling at my quads. Pouring insecurity thru my eye lashes and rib cage. For a brief minute I had no idea why I was there and how I got so disgustingly fat. My feet were too big and my shoes were too small. My arms were floppy and knees kept knocking. "Why am I so sweaty? No one else is sweating like this. You are so gross." As quick as it arrived, it was gone. Suddenly, I was flying. It hurt more to run at a slow pace then it did to run faster with good form. So, I sped up. I took a selfie, turned on Eminem -Til I collapse, and ran my heart out. At mile 25.5 my ankles started cramping. A runner I think saw me start to slow. We had talked about how I was on pace to PR by 50 minutes. He knew I was wanting to finish strong. As I started to slow I saw him come up on my right and he gestured with his hand for me to go. It helped! It got me through the rest of the race. As other people were doing the "zombie shuffle" to the finish line...I was flying....My fastest mile of the entire marathon was the last mile.  Where others were walking up hills I was cruising up them. I used to struggle so much with hills. It was amazing to see the hard work I have put in finally pay off. 

As I came up to the finish line I wanted to cry. I had just finished a Marathon in 4:15:04 and still had fire to keep going if I had to. As I walked thru the food area, I was handed low fat chocolate milk (lame I wanted full fat) ... and I headed out to get my finisher jacket that I earned... I had one thought on my brain. "I can totally get under 4 hours for the Portland Marathon in October." 
One of the best parts is right after I finished my husband James sent me a text asking how everything was going. He wasn't going to be there till 2 so that he didn't have to wait around for me to finish and enjoy the after extravaganzas. I told him that I had finished and PR'ed and he says " You are already done?!" Apparently, he had showed up with the girlies early to see me finish but I finished so much sooner than we expected that he missed it. Not too shabby....and I love that he was trying to be there to see me finish:) 

This race will forever be one of my favorites. The energy was amazing and so were the runners and volunteers. I am so grateful to Alaska Airlines and Athlete IQ for the race opportunity. It will be hard to beat that racing experience! Oh yes, and thank you to Brooks for the awesome finisher jacket! 

PS: I find it important to add that according to Garmin I had 14 Personal Records....including a PR on my half marathon, 10 k and 5 k times. AKA it was a good day!

PPS: It does seem like this blog should just be titled..."How Awesome Am I" lol 

Pre-Race:
Coffee
Picky Bar-Smooth caffeinator 

GEAR-

Nike Running Capri

Nike tank

Spibelt

Saucony Kinvara 5

Stance Running Socks

Bur'ts Bees Peppermint chap stick

Garmin forerunner 225

Momentum Jewelry-Wrap Bracelet w/ Live Fearlessly Charm

Run Goo- No Blisters whoop whoop!

Course Provided-

Gatorade

Glukos

Alaska Airlines

Throwin it back-PCT 16 miler North

PCT-North from Bonneville. 16 Mi 4000 ft elevation gain


-My Trail Running Wake Up Call-

My friend Ryan and I were both training for the Smith Rock Ascent 50k and needed a good trail run for training. I had been training at places like Lacamas Lake and on the road (elevation gain 285 ft). Not exactly good elevation training.


So, we met up at the Bonneville Trail head and jumped on the Tamanous trail-that runs into the PCT heading North and leads you right past the gorgeous Gillette Lake. Now....I wasn't really doing much for hill training at the time and I was running this with someone who is much faster and stronger and who HAD been training correctly.  So, I was nervous and ill prepared. I knew this about 2 minutes in...he had me set the pace. We went maybe a quarter of a mile and then it extended into this uphill mountain. I had no idea. I had done so little hill training that when he had told me a head of time that the Elevation gain is close to 4000 ft...that meant nothing to me. It didn't even register on my radar as a thing. I knew a half a mile into the run that I was in trouble. I felt the anxiety of having a fellow runner with me who is much faster and stronger...and who was ultimately going to be held back by my excessive heavy breathing and sky rocketing heart rate. At mile 1.5 we stopped to shed layers, hydrate and honestly, to let me catch my breath. And I told him to "leave me .... just go get your workout done and Ill meet you back at the bottom." But, nope. He stayed ...throwing in a "it's an easy day for me anyway." EASY???? kjjdkfajds ! whaaa...pfft.  

I had never been on a run like this. It was definitely a humbling experience. If you would've asked me BEFORE I ran that if I was in good shape...I would've told you yes. After, I got done with this run I realized how much work still needed to be done to be ready for my ultra. 

"Trail Running" to me was, ya know, like on a trail..a well maintained, spider web free, smooth trail. A trail you could push a stroller on with no obstacles. Well, that's just silly. This trail was NONE of those things. There were down trees and landslides you had to climb over. A couple of creeks just flowing across said trail. Annnnnd it wasn't always super obvious (to me) which way to go. The best part was when we came up to a huge land slide that had trees, rocks and what looked like a moss mountain-we got to climb through that... Oh. Nope. The best part was probably when we hit snow. Not just a dusting. We were running through 6 inches of snow for at least a mile. Mind you, I was in shorts. There were weird moments where I realized I was leaving a trail of blood in the snow...looked down and my legs were tore up. <hmm cant imagine how that could have happened.> 
I remember saying on the way up this small mountain that going down would be so much faster. I learned another thing that day. Just because you are running down hill, it doesn't mean that it's going to be a fast descent. This is a very technical trail. You go to fast, you are falling. Period. So, I had to be careful. However, I STILL ended up rolling each foot at least once. We go to about 1 mile from the car and I quite literally had NOTHING left. I was zapped. I had finished off my entire pack of water. I almost felt drunk...but maybe like I had skipped the fun part. The next day I was more sore than I had been in a really really long time. I asked Ryan that day if he was sore and of course, he said "Nope". I think about that day like a "runners culture shock". I had no idea running could be like that. 

I have since done many trail runs very similar to that one and usually I do them alone. I have come so far and evolved into what I would call a very earthy runner. Now, these are my favorite kinds of runs. That specific run is one of the most beautiful ones I have ever done. And honestly, now that I am in so much better shape I would like to do it again...so I can really enjoy it. 

Wild Fierce Trail Running

Wild Fierce Heart


Training Run-
Horsetail Falls Trail Recap
May 21, 2016

Loop starting at horsetail falls, cutting over to Multnomah on gorge trail 400, up larch mountain trail and Franklin ridge trail, then down Oneonta trail back to horsetail falls trail head- a little over 14 Miles and 4800 ft elevation gain

At first I thought I might give the technical play by play of this training run...but it meant so much more to me than that. I have learned since blogging that a lot of times the "exposed & vulnerable" posts don't get as much read time. Maybe showing this much of my heart makes others uncomfortable...I am not sure...But, I think that sometimes it's important to visit the reasons in why I do what I do, especially when it's out of the ordinary. So, heres's a tiny glimpse into this wild heart of mine......
Run 2 of back to back Trail training runs...
Last weekend I thought it would be a great idea to do back to back training runs on the trails out in the gorge. I still think I was right. Call me ambitious..maybe greedy.... I've been doing a lot of reflecting on the type of runner I identify with. I am most definitely a trail runner. I thrive out in the fresh air, dirt and trees. I've always been very "earthy". So, it's not really that crazy that I would prefer to be out on the trails more than anywhere else. I work in a office where I am chained to my desk for a greater portion of the day. The pull to the trails grows stronger as the week goes on. I am not meant for an indoor, chained to the desk, job. But, it is what it is. It makes me appreciate being out on the trails more.
The bulk of my Saturday and Sundays are spent on the trails. It's more therapeutic to me than anything. I have some pretty lofty goals for the future. . . .
ie


Mt. Hood 50K-July 2016 (wait listed)
Gorge Waterfall 50K (2017)
Smith Rock Ascent 50k 2017 (Round 2)
Mt. Hood 50 miler 2017
Volcanic 50k- 2017
* Among others *

As much as I love running in general, it's easier for me to get out there while I am sore and beat up ...if I have a purpose...a goal. And out of all of my lofty goals...my most important one is and will always be my quality time out in the fresh air, the squishy ground, crunchy trees and the time away from all of life's distractions. Call it prayer-call it meditation...as my feet hit the ground and take off across the roots,rocks and mud...I give thanks for the trail. This world can be so ugly and unkind...and has taken every opportunity to prove that to me. However, the moment I step out on that trail, I know that everything will be ok because this...this is bigger than life's punches. It's bigger than anything we can imagine. It's something pure and beautiful. It's a gift that can't be taken away from me ever....the gift of the trail. It's a secret present that I wait for all week during my "9-5". It's never the same but it's always rewarding.

This trail run was no different. We started at Horsetail Falls Trail head and booked it to Multnomah Falls Trail head...up the 11 switchbacks and towards larch mountain. Then swung left up to the Franklin Ridge Trail...and let me tell you....the name does give you a hint to what's in store but you need to see it to really grasp the beauty. UP up UP up and up....at 2900' elevation the trees were massive and towering...the ground soft and forgiving and the view...god that view. Between the view and the technical trail this will forever be one of my favorite trail runs. The technical aspect of the trail brought me to my knees and set my lungs on fire. When you come up to the top of the ascent and you see this trees towering above you while your insides burn....the beauty is intensified-because I did that...I ran to the top. I leaped over downed trees and massive roots. I jumped over creeks and climbed up huge hills...huge hills and more huge hills. Slid down landslides and flew thru overgrown trails of questionable 3 leafed plants. I did that. No cut corners and no shortcuts. Just me, the trail and this fierce wild heart. If you could experience every ounce of everything you are capable of feeling all thru the steps of the trail...wouldn't you want experience a glimpse of that? I do. And that's why I keep going back. 

What does running mean to you?

What Running means to me……………..

What running used to mean to me:

Running was a punishment if we missed free throws. Running was a punishment for being late for practice. Running meant that I would get skinny and that meant I would be loved. It meant that I wouldn’t have to take my anti depressants. Running meant that I had a reason to wear cute running outfits as long as I lost the weight to do so. Running meant that I could eat as much food as I wanted and drink as many ciders as I wanted to. Running meant I would have my sanity and it meant that I was worth something.

I think it changes for me as I progress into a more experienced runner and a healthier individual.

What Running means to me now:

Means friendship and family…community. It means waking up before most of the rest of the world. It means quality time with me. It means seeing parts of trails I wouldn't have otherwise seen and meeting people I wouldn't have met. Running means to me....taking pride in my daily routine. It means being a healthy example to the people around me. It means taking care of the 1 body I was given. The time I spend running….no one is telling me I am not good enough, I don’t feel like I have to impress anyone but myself. It means putting one foot in front of the other even when I am exhausted. To me, it means being “injured” …just means that maybe the next couple weeks of running will be a little more uncomfortable than usual. Running to me, is setting a goal and meeting it….challenging myself and then meeting that challenge.  Living in a world where everything is shaped around convenience... everybody wants things as easy as possible… then when something difficult comes up we don’t know how to face it…or we choose not to because it’s too hard. I never want to be the person who says, "Nope, cant do it." I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to teach my kids to live like that. I don’t want to be an example of that to my nieces and nephew. I want to be the definition of hard work. To not hesitate in the face of hard work. I never want FEAR to get in the way of my goals. Running teaches me how to go up against challenges and trails head on and to not run away from it. I am becoming the best version of myself with my training. So I welcome the days of soreness, the loss of toe nails, and the embarrassing finishes-because, with it comes the satisfaction of knowing I have put in hard work even when I didn’t have to. When the rest of the world would understand if I quit, I still didn’t. To me, running is a gift… a gift I don’t intend on taking for granted.  Running to me means, getting up when it’s still dark and running in the rain even though I would rather be sleeping. I love the quote that goes something like …. If you are ever losing faith in humanity, go watch a marathon… there is something about people coming together all with a goal of working hard and finishing… it’s a beautiful thing..everything from the runners to the volunteers and the spectators.  Running… it’s an incredible and underrated way of life…it’s not just an activity or exercise. It trains your mind and soul as much as your body. Teaches you the meaning of perseverance. It means showing people even though the world has tried to break you...you can keep going and you can lead a beautiful life. It means to keep going when all you want to do is close your eyes and give up. To give in to the darkness. Life is beautiful… but as many highs as it has…there are many lows. I hit one of my lowest lows and I thank god that I was in the middle of training. Running saved my life. Running teaches me to not be a victim. It teaches me to be the hero of my own life. Because, when you are at mile 19 of a 50k… and it’s 85 degrees… and your diaphragm feels like it’s trying to bust out of you and your feet feel like they’re going to fall off and you come up to the aid station. They let you know you are allowed to quit or you can keep going. At that moment, quitting sounds pretty great. To sit down and have a rest.... But, that feeling you get when you cross the finish line even though you thought you couldn’t…that feeling right there…NOTHING can ever take that away. Nothing will ever match that feeling of continuing to fight when you have no fight left. Still think running is just exercise?  Everyone should have something in their life that makes them fight to work harder…fight to get better... fight to live a more fulfilling life. And running is my something. When you come from not even being able to run a mile without stopping….and then running mountains, it becomes something more than exercise or an activity. What is running to me? It’s everything.  

Take a minute-what does running mean to you? 

:Post Smith Rock Ascent 50K:

NOT how I looked after the run

Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

MY Pride: Took quite a horrendous beating, but still seems to be still standing, however shakily. It's sunburned, dehydrated, slow and maaaay have a pulled muscle or 2.

Dear Insane reader who may make it to the end of this novel,

When I set out to do my first ultra marathon-I had allowed myself to have 2 "reasonable" expectations.

Expectation #1: To finish

Expectation #2: To not finish last

Turns out I was lucky enough just to finish. I wasn’t in any spot to be picky about placement though. Not counting of course the people who had to drop out mid run or didn’t start, I was within the finishing last 3 runners. Somebody’s got to be last-nobody wants to be but there’s always got to be someone to sweep up. You are welcome Smith Rock Ascent Runners….I took one for the team.  It's something that I am not really ok with, but I think eventually I will be.

This is why-

 I had every understandable reason to quit but didn’t. Volunteers were concerned and preferred me to quit and I didn’t. I even had a few reason to not even start the run in the first place. After a very exciting night of an enthusiastically nervous stomach and almost no sleep, I didn’t exactly set the stage for a successful race. Pfft, oh how the excuses are piling up. But, when you train so wholeheartedly for 6 months and it doesn’t go as planned-even though you put in the work, time and sacrifice….it can be heart wrenching…so it’s best to focus on the facts. Fact is, I pulled a muscle in my abdomen while dodging out of the way of a few 15 milers … “on your left, on your left on your left.” In order to stop myself from ending up on my toosh, I dodge to the right of the embankment and caught myself from falling-Don't worry I didn't damage the embankment too bad and also didn't take anyone with me-soooo win/win? ---- I felt the sharp tug across my ribs…and I continued to feel it all the way to the end. I sobbed. I laughed. I dropped a whole heck of a lot of F bombs. But, I finished… so I hit 50% of my expectation. Also, I didn't fuel adequately for running an ultra. 

Journey to the finish line-

I started out nice and strong. It was beautiful weather and an even more beautiful course. I found a nice pace and felt really really great. Just a little on the warm side. As we all climbed up miles and miles of incline up to the first aid station, I felt an odd since of confidence. How about from now on we DON’T trust the first 5.5 miles.

Then the <incident> happened. Every breath hurt and the pain made me nauseous. Somehow, some interesting logic set in. If I were to eat and drink as little as possible in the 80 degree heat, then, I could avoid throwing up and avoid the potential damage that would do to the already injured abdominal and therefore, I could run longer. #logic #whoneedswater Not only does that not make any sense now that I am off of the hot mountain….but it’s insane! Normal Running Ashley would never do that! But, this wasn’t normal running Ashley. This was crazy injured heat stroke Ashley who wasn’t going to quit no matter what.

Total Nutrition for 31.5 miles-
<cringe>
2 scoops of Hammer perpetuem (approx 440cal)-this saved me
3 cups of coke ( approx 210 cal)
2 cups of ginger ale (approx 186 cal)
1 bite of 1/4 of a pb & j (ehh?)
1 tiny bite of banana (doesn't even count)
MAYBE 1.5 liters of water-the rest I used to cool off with
Total: 840 cal if I am lucky 

Ladies and gents...this is NOT how you fuel for an event that you burn more than 3600 calories during. And I know this...I preach this...and yet.....<smh> 

Moving on...

I was alone for a very long time. My heart rate kept shooting up to 190 bpm and I was beyond thirsty. The funny thing about all of this…is that my body felt so strong. It was my injured core that was failing me. I got passed by horses and motorcycles. I waved and smiled-because no matter how much pain I was in-I was so grateful to be there. I am nuts. 

About mile 17 I found Sam. I remember thinking, “What the hell is he smiling about.” But, I have a feeling it was for the same reason I was smiling. He was just grateful to be there. Sam would end up being the person who got me from my delirious state of mind at mile 29 to the end. We made our way to the 3^rd aid station at about mile 19. The volunteers took a long look at me. I consumed a cup of ginger ale and coke and they dumped water in my pack and on my head. As the water hit my head I literally sobbed from the relief. They took a 3^rd look at me to make sure I was good to go and sent us on our way. 

Pictures do not do this place justice. I cannot tell you how beautiful this place is. I would struggle thru that all over again just to take in more of the view. Really truly one of the most beautiful runs I have ever been on. Oh! And holy cows! So many cows….baby cows too. So random…but makes for a nice memory lol.- Glad there wasn’t any daddy cows tho.

Sam stayed with me until it looked like if we stayed at my pace we may miss the 3pm cut off for the last aid station. I struggled alone. I found the one tree with shade on the whole course and sat down. It was over. I wasn’t going to make it to the last aid station in time. I messaged my husband and told him the news. And he told me to keep going and that the last 5 miles are downhill...(lies).  So I stood up and got light headed and sat back down. It was just so nice in that spot. I could feel my heart beating thru my sternum and my ribs throbbed. Yes, sitting was nice. But everything still hurt. So it was gonna hurt no matter what. Just then a smiley girl comes around the corner and tells me to get up, that I can still make it.

3:09pm- I make it to the last aid station. The medics are waiting there. They look me over and I see it on their faces. They think I am done for-that a marathon was all I was going to be running today. And a very slow one at that. I grab my cup of coke and they refill my water pack. I feel a couple of hands press into my arms to check my skin for sweat. Little did they know, I totally stopped sweating 5 miles ago. I basically beg to keep going. One of the volunteers look me in the face and says “can you promise me that you are good to go…that you are going to be fine?” ….. "uh yeah yeah  I am totally totally fine-".The volunteer then says, “ Ok, you can go if you can leave in 1 minute-but no one else-that’s it.” Then my eyes fill with tears because even though it would be so nice to stop now,I am so relieved I still have a chance to finish. Then, a medic grabs my phone and literally types in MEDIC and a phone number in case I need help on the trail. “Call me immediately if you need help, I am not joking. Immediately.”  I take one last swig of coke and then ask the volunteer who made me swear an oath that I was fine, to dump cold water on my head. And then I was off....as quick as a snail on mountain dew giving the volunteers 2 thumbs up as they’re yelling out to me to be careful and call them if needed help….gave one last “don’t worry I wont drop dead on the trail, I promise.” And BAM I was off to finish what I started.

5 miles from the finish- mantra central….

I am alone, I am all alone. It is hot. It's so so so so hot. I can't feel my feet. I cant feel my feet. Can you feel your feet? Wait, who am I talking to... Oh crap all I can feel is my feet. I am going to die here. I'm dying yep. Nope, I promised them I wouldn’t die. If I die they get in trouble for letting me go. Must not die. Must not die. 5 more miles 5 more miles 5 more miles. That’s a big cliff. That’s a big cliff. Oooh butterflies…nope wild flowers. I love wild flowers. What makes a flower wild?  Butterflies would melt out here. Oop...the flower is flying now, why is it doing that? Nope that’s a butterfly. Pain is temporary, pain is temporary… My face feels crunchy… why is my face crunchy. Why do I hear my footsteps twice? That’s weird. Person. Person. Ah crap another “on your lefter.” A very energetic and happy man was running quickly by-asked me if I needed water or a hat or juice…at least I think he offered me a hat. I wish I would’ve taken the hat. Actually,  I should’ve taken water…I just remember being so embarrassed at how bad I was doing…(Why doesn't he look tired?)I just wanted him to be on his way so he could get out of the heat.  What if he gets the last finisher glass-gah come back! And then I was alone again. I unplugged my headphones and propped my phone up in my pack after pushing play- so that I could just hear the music without head phones. I will tell you …this was a lot harder than it sounds.  I wanted to take a video at this time but couldn’t figure out how to work my phone to do so. Why cant Apple create a phone that just does what I want it to when I am dying of heat exhaustion and dehydration> rude. Or maybe I just eat more next time. 

Sweeping-

I couldn’t tell you what mile it was…maybe just before 28…I found Sam again. Overheated and ready for his after race beer as much as me. So, we continued on. That’s when I realized I was almost out of water. Don’t worry; even tho I wasn’t drinking the water in my pack….I had been pouring it on my head, arms, and legs- . It’s like everything I had learned during training just flew out the window. SMH.  Everyone had been saying the last 5 miles is down hill…guess what? That’s not true lol. I mean there was a lot of down hill buuuuuut kiiinda felt like I was going up hill a lot still. Finally, we came to a large down hill… the down was excruciating on my rib cage…I kept repeating all the way down… “Pain is temporary, pain is temporary, finisher glass, finisher glass, stupid ass mountain, stupid ass mountain, pain is temporary.” As we came down the mountain I heard Sam say something about less than a 5k…so I started repeating that over and over again. We ran into a couple of medics…one of which stayed with us till the end, I think…It’s a little foggy. 2 miles to go…I remember repeating that over and over again. I was out of water.

Climbers waved at us and told us we were awesome…but I didn’t know what what they were talking about. Somehow I got an ice pack and put that on my rib cage. Each breath felt like my rib cage may drop at anytime. Less than a mile. The medic was with us when we came to a water fountain and sprinkler. They filled one of my water bottles and I drank it…it hurt going down my sore throat. Less than a mile, less than a mile. The medic pointed us to a hill on the left…I remember saying no. He said “this way is faster.” I said “no, the orange tape goes to the right and finisher glass.”

I don’t remember the hill, I don’t remember my legs moving anymore. I remember Sam saying something about run…and I did. I remember the yelling and something about a beast or something…and then be taken into the medic tent. I remember thinking, I have to finish my run for my finisher glass…I don’t have time to stop. Then a woman told me I was all done. Next thing I remember, I had a tiny little blue Gatorade in my left had and ice packs in my arm pits. I heard them take my heart rate. But really all I could think about was how I couldn't feel my body and oh my god I had finished. Basically last, but I had finished. Just means I have a pretty good chance of coming out next year and smashing my time from this year. Later, I was told that I kept saying " I don't have time to go with you, I need to go finish my run" over and over again as they brought me in to the medic tent. Think I mastered that "mind over matter " situation yet?

I am so glad that I did this...it wasn't pretty, it wasn't anything incredible....buuut there is something so satisfying about severely wanting to quit more than anything in the world but also wanting to finish more than anything in the world -at the same time...and still finishing..NOT giving up... that is where the mind over matter comes in...being a runner is about so much more to me than "being fit" ..it's about pushing my body way way way beyond what is comfortable...what is "normal"... And then looking back on that journey and going.. "OK, I did that. That was me. No cut corners, no shortcuts...just me and the battle of mind over matter-and I cant wait to see what I can do next time." Sure, it would've been nice to NOT finish close to last. Sure, it would've been awesome to not feel like I was dying for 26 miles of it. Yeah, it would've been fantastic to remember all of my training out there and to take in the scenery more...but this was my 1st ultra...sooooo, I am gonna go ahead and cut myself some slack and just be happy with finishing. Good job, me. 

Sincerely,

Totally worth it and I cant believe you read this whole thing-and everyone calls me nuts

PS: drink water during an ultra.k thanks.

Shout out to my partner out on the course Sam Del Biaggio- Thanks so much for getting me through some dark dark moments out there.

The medics for being so awesome! And for not putting me down for my lack of fueling and hydrating out there.

And the volunteers-seriously, you guys rock! Best volunteers I've ever had at a race. I've never felt so "taken care of" during a run. You guys deserve a medal! Jus sayin.

My Husband James Kelly- For being so supportive of the long hours that it takes to train for something like this-and for being supportive of my insanity. 

Think Sport -

For your magic sun block that limited my sunburn sitch.... Can't believe I didn't get super fried ! 

Brooks cascadia- lovely lovely shoes that kept my feet pretty safe from massive damage ... Love these shoes !!!

Doc Spartan- brought my little combat ointment and clipped it to my pack .... Let me tell you- what a god send this was at mile 27 and my pack was rubbing against my next over and over again. 

Reader- For reading this whole thing-you are an angel


Here is my bumpy, skippy, video-forgive it please...because I left my creativity at home when I was running this...I forgot very simple things like : Pointing camera towards beautiful scenery instead of the ground lol...next time guys...next time. I'm a work in progress for sure lol... It's only a little one 4 minutes long....I ran for like 8 hours sooooo come on don't give up now.

Had to fix the video ----it will be back up later....gah...

-::Pre-Smith Rock Ascent 50K::-

I spent most of the week a bundle of nerves leading up to this weekend. I've ran all the scenarios of "what if's" and "oh no's!" and "whoopsies!!" through my head...and I THINK I've gotten it out of my system. I have however not stopped checking what the weather is going to be like on Saturday. Don't worry, I check it like 40 times a day...so if it changes ( and it has a lot) I will know about it. Forecast says HOT. Don't worry I DO NOT melt in the heat. Oh wait, yep I do. 


I watched a Ginger Runner film last night...(well I watched quite a few)... but the one I am specifically referring to is ::The 2015 Gorge Waterfalls 50K.:: This is actually a run that I would like to do next year <let's survive the first one shall we>. It's a really really challenging run and on this course I did A LOT of my training runs. I actually ran into the 2016 race on my 26 mile training run- even got in their race photos lol. Anyway- my point is....( If I even have a point).. is that I did a lot of my training on a very challenging course-----> so it made me feel a little more confident in my training and what I have done to get ready for Smith Rock.  But seriously, watch it, it's great... wait...read my blog first...then watch it- --link is at the bottom.-- Moving on...

I have done some strange things to get ready...or to keep my mind off of the nervousness. I went shooting with my husband (that's a first) ...turns out I don't have much upper body strength because I was very sore afterwards (aka: I am such a bad ass). I have memorized the aid station miles (there's only 4 - apparently, that is MORE than enough for a small little 31.5 miler nbd.). I am not totally clear on my thought process of memorizing where the aid stations are but I am sure it will be very helpful when I am exhausted, sun burnt, sweaty and incoherent. Also, found out there are no port-a-potties on the entire course (aside from the start/finish)...good thing there are tons of trees and bushes to pee behind at Smith Rock-Oh, wait..nope... it's the desert..so I guess I'll find a rock to pee on. I finally understand why an experienced Ultra Marathoner told me to bring baby wipes----> Yikes!. <Basically, I am a delicate flower who has been spoiled with JIC Port-a-potties every 2 miles-It's like Road Side Assistance...you may never use it but it's just nice to know it's there.> 


Today's main focus is nutrition & breathing. Wonky nerves make it hard to eat . . . (and breathe).....but I have been doing a pretty good job keeping up on nutrition-it's the breathing that I am having trouble with. Supplies at my desk for hydration are; coffee, water and coconut water. The Bear naked is just for fun cuz it's delicious!<That's what she said? hmm>

It'll help that today is Cinco De Mayo and we are having a taco potluck at work-mmmmm tacos. 


Also-made out some packing lists; ya know to make me feel better

First Packing list-
::BRING 3 of EVERYTHING I OWN+ Baby Wipes (apparently)::

Revised More Realistic Packing Checklist (Running Essentials)-

-Nathan Firecatcher Hydration Vest+ Water bottles
-Burts Bees Chapstick- <Peppermint of course>
-ThinkSport Sunblock <bc #pasty>
-KT Tape
-DocSpartan Combat Ointment < that's a gross word >
-RunGoo <for the tosies>
-Garmin + charger
-Headphones x2
-Hammer Perpetuem
-Hammer Gel
-Trail Butter
-Nuun Active/Energy
-Skratch Lab Apple Cinn (BC YUM)
-Vega Recovery
-1200 different Adidas & Under Armour running outfits <bc of my constant battle of wanting to be comfy and not wanting to look like a rollie pollie hippo-going for flattering and comfy-is that soooo much to ask?>
-Swift wick socks
-Nike Sports bra
-Nike Zip Up for before the run
-Coffee
-Black Butte Porter <Beer of course>
-Flip Flops 
-Brooks Cascadia 10 
-Saucony Kinvara 4
-Pepto (BC despite popular belief I am NOT a Unicorn)

I will tell you- that I have made out this list about a billion times because every time I went to save it didn't save. And every time I went to type out the list I got more and more nervous. Right now I have this fear of the no port a potties in a desert scene. Do I pop a squat behind a rock? Do I accidentally pee on my shoe? What happens if I cant get back up? And when I fall, did I have time to pull up my shorts?? Gah! <This is my nightmare>-Got me a whole new bucket of "What if's"! 


                Thank you sweet readers for indulging my rant- IF you made it through the whole thing-if you didnt..... well, then you suck. Jk kinda...no really I am kidding. But seriously, it's not really that long. Ok ok...NOW, you  may watch the Ginger Runner video below. Wait-nope...send me happy thoughts for my first Ultra Marathon this weekend...and send them in the direction of Smith Rock.. thanks. Noooow you may go... 

Ginger Runner Film-