::_:Taper Anyone?:_::

My first Ultra Marathon is about a week away sooooo I am enjoying the world of tapering. I hate it so much. No, really it's the best. This is what you have to look forward to during this time:

Running on limited amounts of endorphin's

The most exciting extravaganza on your itinerary is drinking water out of your new water bottle. (whoop) 

Having the urge to organize everything in your house 

Scaling trying to scale back on the amount of food you eat

Agreeing to go shooting with your husband because you are the best wife ever good wife... (don't worry pictures to come-I have another week of tapering hell)
Random bursts of irritability-it's totally not your fault... I think 

Being grumpy for no reason...oh I've got reasons, and their good ones

You get to enjoy all of the amazing rest-<bleh>

Time to think about all the things that could go wrong in your upcoming race 

Pangs of intense jealousy when you see someone running down the street-nothing to be toooo concerned about ... you are probably a middle child and dont like to be left out of anything---> not really your fault-you didn't choose when you were born. 

Geeking out on as many running blogs, articles, and You Tube videos as possible

More time to do your hair and dress nice for work

Spending more time blogging due to boredom this wonderful free time

More time to watch the Portland Trail Blazer playoffs 

Your body will start to feel.....less beat up

You'll feel stronger.. I'm Shore

Oh, but later that day your knees will feel crunchy and you'll start noticing "phantom ailments"-nope they're real.

Moments of concern panic "How am I going to run a 50k!! I've barely ran this week!"

Don't worry, your body will still wake you up nice and early even though you don't need to be up so early. rude. 

Maybe you'll feel You are going to feel like you are being really lazy but just roll with it, it's fine

Speaking of "roll" ... you'll have lots of quality boring time with your foam roller

More time to obsess about your training that has lead up to the race... which is the best

Gah-you'll have plenty of time to change your race day game plan 27 times...so <phew>

I'm gonna get fat...this is how it happens. Tapering happens. 
Did I mention more time for unnecessary super necessary blogging? Or creepy runner blog stalking?

If you get cut off in traffic and want to crawl out of your car and attack the person who did it...don't-it's just due to high levels of pint up unused running fury... just don't-maybe go for a tranquil walk run instead ok? 

Don't forget about the hours you'll spend playing with a race pace calculator-- no you can't run a 50k in 2 hours...

Binge running meme research

More time for thinking about running....although, you could totally do that whilst running. 
Stop messing with your form 1 week before the race k? It's fantastic fine for now. 

You'll feel very protective of the time you do get to run.. like seriously...don't you plan anything during that time...things will get real intense, real fast. I'm kidding ofcourse.

Less time in that super cutesy hideous reflective safety vest and head lamp....does anyone ever look cute in those? Lolo Jones. Lolo Jones would be cute in that. Rude. 

<sigh> 

I make sarcastic jokes...I laugh about it lol...because it's hilarious to me how you go from running 45-60 miles a week and then your at Friday and you have only ran 20  miles for the week so far and it's like "What have I done this week?" Nothing you've done nothing you lazy bum. Not sure when this transformation of needing to run happened. 3 Months ago, that's when it happened.  They say it takes 21 days to create a habit...I think it took a little bit longer for me. Then whole getting up at 4:30 am and running before the stupid beautimus sun is up, took a lot of pushing. 
Tapering is what you make it- no it's dumb, that's what it is. I have found more time to spend with my family and more time to get some things done that have been stressing me out ...things I have understandably constantly left undone. And in the end...tapering makes you stronger and it organizes your closet-maybe the bookshelves?. It's like torture TLC for your body. It works hard for you...you need to give it time to be lazy repair and rebuild. But, in times of boredom it's essential nice to have a sense of humor. Half the reason I train for specific events is so that I can enjoy the "process". And tapering is alllll apart of the process. 

Sincerely, 

          -Misses running high mileage so much it hurts- 
           Embracing the rest and relaxation semi wholeheartedly

PS: Had a tiny milky way today---> and I don't even feel bad about it ;)-eh i kinda do

PPS: Stop taking this so seriously it's funny ok? No seriously, it's funny.