::Throwing Shoes::

I am not a professional runner. I am not a fast runner. I am not an elite or talented runner really. Nike is definitely not knocking on my door hoping to sponsor me. The absolute only thing that sets me apart from the average recreational runner is my insanity and fierce heart. The pull I feel towards pushing my body to its absolute limit. To where each step feels like I am having to pull from the depths of my soul to complete. I have ran the Portland Marathon 3 times. Now, that is 26.2 miles. And every time I hit the 21 mile mark I feel as though my soul is breaking. My mind all of a sudden goes from " I am totally doing this!" to " What. The. Hell. Am I. Doing. I cant do this. OMG I cant effing do this. Why does everything hurt. Everything. I am pretty sure my hair follicles hurt. My eye brows hurt. Can you pull an eye brow? Pancakes sound delic... nope I am definitely going to hurl. I am going to throw up right here. Can I die of running..running can kill me huh...this is how I die...WHOOP WHOOP I am totally doing this..nope.... I hate this. This is stupid. Next person to say " You are almost there" will get a shoe throw at them...wait, would I run better with out the shoes? Let's lose the shoes..crap cant reach my feet. ugh. Quick, think of all the reasons you are doing this..... well, there was a reason....uh....health or something...but this does NOT feel healthy, I feel like I am dying. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Can you run wrong? hmm." So that is what 1/4 of a mile looks like after I have reached mile 21 in a full marathon. Brutal. My last Portland Marathon (Oct 2015)... started out phenomenal... once I hit mile 21 everything went to crapola. Or at least my mind thought it had. My mind convinced me that running the rest was the worst possible thing I could do. After, I finished ... and after stating that I was NEVER going to run a marathon again... I went a head and let a friend of mine convince me to sign up for an Ultra Marathon. 31.5 Miles. NBD. The only possible conclusion I can come to is that I am absolutely certifiable. But, I will say I have never trained so well in my life. Every run has a purpose. The food I eat is to fuel my next run and I am in a constant state of hydration. All I am saying is...well...I am not really sure what I am saying.... I have been cataloging my entire journey. Every hard run, every easy run and every ever so challenging step I have taken in this journey. I have 34 days till race day. And I am scared, excited and feel like I am gonna hurl at any minute. Every day I pray that I just finish come race day. And some days I pray that I dont finish last. But, what's important here is that I have poured my heart and soul into this training and have cataloged it. I searched the web for ultra marathon blogs from a woman's point a view...but found MOSTLY mens. So, that and the fact that I am sure everyone on FB is probably tired of seeing all of my running posts, I thought it was probably time to just pour it all into my blog. So that is what I am doing. Man, that was kinda anti-climatic...